Food Seems So Disgusting Sometimes

My situation may be a bit different than some people's on here. There are many reasons behind what I do. First of all I am not super skinny or anorexic. I am actually about 30 pounds overweight and it disgusts me. I never used to be overweight. I used to be one of those people that could eat and eat and never gain a pound. Not anymore. I can gain 5 pounds in 2 days if I eat too much junk food. I am not happy at all with my weight right now, but my biggest fear is gaining even more weight.
Another reason I do this, I will go through periods where I am so grossed out by food. The thought of chewing and digesting food grosses me out. Being a human being grosses me out. >.< Sometimes I even go against all that and pig out. And the next day I am disgusted by myself.
And the last reason would be control. I like feeling that I have control of something. Eating is something I can control because I can choose not to eat.
So when any of these feelings hit me, I will starve myself or eat very little for a day or two. I know its not healthy and I wonder what the hell is wrong with me sometimes. I tell myself that rather than starve myself I should eat healthier, but I still end up going back to this.
MissBlueAngel MissBlueAngel
31-35, F
2 Responses Nov 30, 2012

Im disgusted with myself too, its like why do I have too freaking look like this, and when I starve myself I feel like the freaking queen of Egypt or something, then I get hungry and binge so , Starving ourselves our best bet

It makes sense that, after all you've been through, after being so controlled by others, that you would want to exert whatever control you could. Control over what we eat is something that almost everyone has -- as anyone who has watched a young child's picky eating can attest.

Just as your parents didn't take good care of you, didn't show you the love that they ought to have, you need to take care of yourself and love yourself. They showed disrespect to you and to your body. Please remedy that by respecting yourself and treating yourself well.