For As Long As I Can Remember...

I have restricted myself from food for as long as I can remember. Even in elementary school I'd just toss my lunch in the garbage. I am 23 now, and I still starve myself, until I can't control the pain in my stomach, then I eat...which ends up to be binge eating. If i feel too full, I make myself sick.

I used to drink lots of water, now rarely. I can see my bones in my back, i can feel my ribs without "sucking in". My collarbone sticks out, bony knees and elbows. I am constantly cold, tired, but in fear of being labelled a "attention seeker", I tell noone.

Recently, my best friend hugged me and said "you keep getting skinnier!" I felt both pride and embarrassment. My boyfriend is big on going out for fancy dinners, dinner parties, etc., but because he works so much, I can usually say "I ate while you were at work." Many times he brushes it off, but every now and then he does question me. However, it doesn't take long until the subject is changed.

It's a daily, constant cycle. A cycle that lasted since elementary school and is still on-going. It's what I am used to. To label myself as an anorexic or bulimic, I'd deny it. I just avoid food as much as possible unless there's no avoiding it.

Maybe I'm too full of myself, but are there anyone else out there in a similar position?
mocha23 mocha23
22-25, F
Jan 17, 2013