Don't Judge...

I do it.  That is all there is to it.  I don't judge people who eat.  I am only critical of myself.  I am too critical sometimes.  But, if starving helps me feel like a real person, then that is what I am going to do.  And, since I like the hunger feeling, I won't be stopping any time soon.  I like the results, and I like the feelings.

Often I get stuck in the argument with myself over food.  Eat it or don't?  I am somewhere in the middle usually (by the time I make a decision).  So, I eat a little.  But not all of it.

Words don't describe, and if you don't feel the same way, you can't understand this particular trait.

skinnybitch skinnybitch
26-30, F
8 Responses Feb 27, 2009

i love this statement it is so true!! add me and message me it would be lovley to talk and share expereinces etc xx

LOL. I know how that goes too. And, I find myself pushing myself really hard right now. It is strange... Just all of a sudden, I refuse to eat. I never really did that before. Just kind of wanted to see what would happen if I didn't eat after a day, or 3. Now, I really want the weight gone. I want to be beautiful in my own eyes.<br />
The stupid thing, is that other people, who weigh more than me, are beautiful to me, and even overweight people aren't judged by me. I think that they choose their lifestyle, so who am I to interfere?

I'm there.

I stay as healthy as possible. I take vitamins, and when I do eat, it is vitamin enriched. You just don't starve at a constant rate, and you will be fine. Or at least that is how it works for me.

forgot to say what Lupus is... it's an autoimmune disease that your antibodies go rabid, they decide that everything in your body is an invasion. that would be great if it didn't decide that healthy body systems were dangerous and needed to be shut down. it attack every organ, system, and muscle in your body.<br />
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Lots of fun! NOT.

I use to starve myself too. I can tell you exactly why I started. In my stupid teenage head I thought if I didn't eat my Mom and sister would have more food to eat. Yeah at the time was great... now... not so much.<br />
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I am still paying for that decision. Scientifically there is no proven connection but I do believe that starving myself is what flipped the switch in me that caused Lupus*. In the support groups I go to... roughly 3/4's had/have an eating disorder at some point in their life. I am not saying that you WILL get Lupus but it is a possibility. <br />
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For me.. the control was great. It was the one thing I had power over... It was a high when I refused to eat. Now I have no control over my body, it does whatever it wants to do... I am constantly in pain, I can't trust my limbs to do what I tell them to; matter of fact I am recovering from a fall down a flight of stairs because my legs gave out.<br />
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I am not telling you to stop, I am not telling you that you have to eat.... I am however asking you to think about the price you will pay if you somehow manage to survive the active part of being anorexic.

I haven't had to learn to love it. I just do. Have from the beginning.<br />
There is no alarm. Not unless someone is trying to force me to eat. Then the alarm bells go off. <br />
It is different for those of us who do it. It is even different amongst us. We all have our reasons. If we didn't have a reason, there wouldn't be "nervosa" attached to anorexia. It would just be a natural problem. We all chose at some point to do it. Maybe not to become so into it that we are medically anorexic, but the choice to lose weight, to skip a meal... That is always done.<br />
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SV, I am glad to hear that someone does understand.

you learn to love things in order to cope with them. I understand where you are skinnybitch i was there for many many years