First I'm Fat Now I'm So Skinny I Must Have A Drug Problem?
Last year my father said i was fat and should really lose weight. Since then i have lost just over 100 lbs. Now he wants to know why! He thinks i must have a drug problem, fact is i starve myself because i guess i honestly believed that if i got skinny again I would finally be the daughter he wanted. The result is that I have a weakened immune system and everyone around me thinks i am "partying". All I really want is his approval but with each passing day I am more aware that I will never be good enough. I dont think i will ever be what he wants me to be and I'm not sure that I should care what he wants ..... but I do! My dads opinion of me is SO Important! I am an engaged mother of 2 wonderful kids who should be enjoying my family and life. Instead I am constantly looking over my shoulder scared to answer my door in case my house isnt clean enough or i dont look pretty enough because i just cant take the hurt of his disapproval again! I find myself thinking quite calmly that he wont live forever and that one day i will be able to live my life my way without shame.....everyone else tells me his expectations are not realistic and that what i do is none of his business and i know they are right. But i just cant seem to make decisions based on what i want instead of what he would want. Help! I am a grown woman but my father makes me feel like a bad little kid! I just want to learn to be ok with me but how can i do that when he constantly belittles me under the guise of helping me?