Nothing Can Be A Wholesome Activity

Before the internet, I would stay up late drinking and listening to music. I always felt better at night, when it seemed like the rest of the world was asleep and you had everything to yourself. I could do as I please.

Before the internet, I read a lot. Fiction,****,nonfiction,more ****.

Before the internet I used to lie in bed eyes wide shut and get scared.

Before the internet it was too dark to see.

Now I can name my fear and search for it on the internet. This is when nothing works the best because I have no expectations and end up going from one site to another, forgetting what it was I started looking for.

Now I can observe myself, listen to myself and give me a definition. I can be defined.

Now I can pretend to have many friends and I speak openly and honestly because I see them as friends and want to be trustworthy and sympathetic.

Now I can give you my best without seeing your face. I put my faith in you. I advise you and listen to your advice and I can become a better person as a result.

Now fear subsides when I do nothing, especially late at night. It has become my world.
rickie53 rickie53
46-50, M
Dec 15, 2012