At A Loss......I'll try and make this semi short. I have been a step parent of a now 15 year old since she was 4 years old. Her mother is in the picture, some comunication exists there. We are a split custudy family, week on-week off. My step daughter (we'll call Sarah) didn't always have a good relationship with her mom which I guess in a sense brought us closer for a long period of time. At this point her mother showers her in gifts and we constantly hear how amazing it is when she's with her mom. We live an average life style, though she has NEVER gone with out. I like to think of our family of 3, as I don't have children of my own nor will I (medical) as a close knit family.
In the last year or so things have significantly changed. My husband and I at a surprise found of in September of 2011 that we were by miracle and surprise ;) pregnant. I planned out a special evening to tell my step daughter our news. Her favorite dinner, a "big sister" cake and a family game night planned. Didn't go as planned.....it was a terrible night. She was angry and histerically crying, which in hand made my husband and I cry as well. It was as if it were a funeral rather than a celebration. During the pregnancy, I would ask if she wanted to see photos of where the development was and she'd say no. It was an extremely hard and hurtful time. 2 months later we miscarried. I had my husband tell her that news. This has definetly put a hard ship on the relationship I had with her and I don't know how to move on or if I'm a selfish person for letting it still effect things. In addtion to this we recently found out that my sister in law is pregnant, and the excitement "Sarah" had was so hurtful. But, I can't express any of this hurt or frustration in my home.
Then there's the teenage 'phase'. I understand that she is a teenager, but there can be a little respect. My husband lets it slide and says I let it bother my to much and she's a teen its going to happen. We just bought her her first car, a Ford Focus. It was picked up last night. When my husband and 'sarah' returned from picking it up, I asked 'soooo, what do you think?!' :) and she says very slighly, it's fine. How bout some thank you's I say, she says 'thank you?' and that was the end of the conversation.
I'm at a complete loss, between the anger and hurt I still carry and the unappreciative attitude.
I'm very grateful, don't get me worng! I always say 'I may not get to be a mommy, but I get to be a parent'.
Any advise would be greatly appreciated.