No Connection

I have been with my husand for almost 5 years now and he has an 8 year old daughter.  We have a great relationship, however our biggest arguments are over his daughter.  She is a good girl, thats not the problem.  I just have never been able to make a connection with her.  My husband does not have a daily job, he works 24 hour shifts every few days.  Well, after we got married he came to me and said that his ex and him feel that his daughter should stay the whole weekend with me, even if he works.  This is where things started to go bad....I disagree.  Besides, why wasn't I included in that decision?  To make matters worse, my husband and I have a child together now and i feel even more distant from his daughter than before.  The bond I feel with my daughter is unbelievable and I have no desire to have such a bond with my step daughter.  I am becoming resentful of my husband and dread the weekends his daughter is suppose to be here.  How do I make step parenting and my marriage work?  

schmidt22 schmidt22
26-30, F
4 Responses Mar 1, 2010

I understand what you said. It seams to me that step-parents are good enough to baby sit, take the step-kids to the doctor, help with homework, pick up after them, feed them, paly with them, tuck them in at night, drive them to and from school etc.......but when it comes time to correct or parent in any way our voices just dont matter, and we have no place or right to from an idea on what could maybe be what is best for the step-kids. Sometime step-parents spend more one-on-one time with the kids then the birth parents do, and yet we just dont seam to matter. I think that birth parents should stop leaving the parenting up to the step-parents and take of your own kids if you dont like what step-parents think or say. They should of asked you if you would be willing to babysit their kids on the weekend not told you that is what was going to happen!!!!

just for the record, i don't agree with previous posts. it is hard to connect with kids that aren't your own- for some of us, anyway- i don't think that means you don't love your husband or didn't go into the relationship with your eyes open. I'm sure I would have felt resentful that i wasn't included in that decision too...and you can't put a number on how long it takes to bond with someone, no matter how old they are. it takes however long it takes. good luck!

she may be your stepdaughter but she is only a child you knew when you got married did you not that he had a daughter she is part of the baggage and she comes with your husband so if you do not want her then you do not want your husband ,do not make him choice her or you if a woman did that ,I would say bin the woman,she is only a child so get over it,do you not think this child will pick up on how you feel towards her.

Maybe your resentment is in the way of connecting with your stepdaughter and it will be unhealthy for your daughter to grow up seeing this, your stepdaughter is a child you are the adult you can make a wonderful good family environment it takes work and time but it is worth it god Bless goahead