Where Im Coming From And Food For Thought.

I dont know why I have such a huge problem with this kind of thing. A couple months ago it did not matter to me at all. Matter of fact it never even crossed my mind until a couple months ago. I dont understand why it makes me sick to my stomach. I have a few things that go through my head as would be reasons but I will let you be the judge here or if you could give a better reason maybe that will be better. I dont want any harshness being brought down upon me in the sense for someone to tell me to get over it. Dont be disrespectful. But it seems that I apparently have a problem with women who are very promiscuous. I dont go for promiscuous women. A couple months ago I thought I was helping a woman out since she had to go to Pennsylvania. She told me this story about how she was with this one guy for ten years and he was abusive and she got away from him and hasnt been with a guy in seven years and she was afraid of men. I took it upon myself to prove her wrong in the fact that not all men are the jerks or cruel beings that she has dealt with. I thought something was happening between us. The beginning of something good. We spent the night together and yes we had sex. I thought I was restoring passion and trust into her but it turns out I was massively lied too. My friends were the ones to tell me this along with the womans fiance at the time (I did not know she was engaged). I was told that she has been with A LOT of men cheating on her fiance. When we slept together she did seem looser than any woman I have ever been with. But she stated she hasnt been with a man in seven years. Even though I wore a condom I was smart enough to get myself tested just to be sure because I was lied too. First greatest fear I had was that I might have HIV. So far so good that Im clean thank goodness. I havent had contact with her since. But now for some reason it really bothers me if a woman has been with A LOT of men. Im talking about if a woman were somewhere between 14 and 25 and has been with more men than the number of years I have been on this earth. It makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it and I really dont know why. Heres what my views are and I hope for some insight. The first thing is that I was never a guy that would do the hit it and quite it. I dont do that to this day. I prefer to be in a relationship with a woman and be passionate and sexual with one woman for as long as the relationship would last. And I believe that the woman should be the same way. It tells me that I can trust she wouldnt sleep around. That I was worth more than just a random **** or that I wasnt one of many guys that she sleeps with. I should be worth a lot more than that. I should be her everything in her heart and her mind as she would be that for me and I would do everything to let her know what she means to me. Sex is sacred in my book. Its not something that should be just random. If your in a relationship Im sorry but cheating is cheating. There is no exceptions (if you want to have a couple with you during those kinds of activities at least the person your with is present and participating and is OK with it) but going off and sleeping with random people thinking it doesnt matter while there is someone that claims they care about you is not real love between each other at all. Its the ultimate form of intimacy and romance and trust. To allow someone to be with you in that way is of great value but to have some random person whom you have no idea who they are or what they are capable of or even what they have that can potentially hurt you is just ignorant and wrong. Yes I understand that sex is great and it feels great and its fun but you know what? Its better when its with one person that you know and trust and can learn quickly how to do it right to please you and you do the same for them and actually give a damn about you. How many people you sleep with is not a competition score board thing to be proud of. I cant tell you how many women I have met that actually regret doing these things (matter of fact go read the stories from the sight "I Have HIV" and youll see what I mean. Even women who dont have diseases regret it for letting someone wonderful get away. I cant tell you how many men I know agree with me and also regret doing the whole hit it and quite it. Its something to be valued and respected between two people that know each other and trust each other. You want to get experience then get it from that one person you could be with for as long as possible in a relationship. Discover things together. If it doesnt work out then it doesnt work out in a relationship, when that happens THEN find someone you can be with for a different experience for as long as you can be with them. Im just saying thats one of my views. Another thing is I think that if a woman just spreads her legs randomly for whatever guy just for that moment of pleasure.....what value would I be for her? What value does she have for herself? Does she cry at night regretting what shes doing? Does she even care? Does it cross her mind that none of these men care about her and wishes she would find a guy that actually cares about her? What kind of impact could I possibly make compared to all the men she has been with? If shes been with that many men how would she even be relationship material? Would she even want one? What exactly makes something that could be extremely dangerous and harmful (having random people) be so much fun when they can potentially hurt you in one way or another? Did she go through a hard time in her life to make her not care about herself? Doesnt she know there is a guy out there that would treat her right even though hes not the hottest guy in the world? Guys, how does it feel to treat a woman that bad? Why do you do that to them? Dont you care? You just want to get off then whats wrong with using your hand? Do you really want to be with a woman thats been with a lot of guys? If thats the case would you want to buy a set of used tires thats been on say 20 or 30 different cars? No you wouldnt. Or a better example comparison would be would you buy a game from a friend thats been played and used by a few people and is still of good value or would you rather have the game thats been played by 30 different people and it has been in god knows what kinds of situations and probably wont work after the first time you play it (No Im not calling women a game. Its just a comparison) even though you really like the game but it doesnt want to work for your system anymore? Keep those questions in mind to answer on this post because its what goes through my mind. Im not saying Im better than anyone here. Not by far. I just look at the value of the heart and what love is and I am just saying all this to not only get some insight as to why I have such a problem with this but to probably open some eyes and perspectives for others with this. Dont worry were almost done. This is another thing that came to mind that made me feel better as to having a closer answer of why I have a problem with this. I was a father for ten hours. My ex wife was my fiance at the time and we were together for a year and five months when this happened. She gave birth to my daughter who was three months premature and my daughter passed away within ten hours. In that amount of time from finding out that my ex wife was in the hospital to a couple years ago I felt the value of everything all at once. Being with someone that cared for me so much as i cared for her, having the chance to be a great father, seeing what really matters in life. Seeing the chance of something wonderful being taken away from me before I could even hold her (I was in FT Riley at the time and she was in the Philippines), what it means to be in a beautiful relationship (we lasted 8 year from being together to being divorced) that lasted so long. The fact that I would rather be in something real than something random. All of it hit me all at once and I not only saw the power of the impact of happiness of the love that I had for my ex wife and for the daughter I was going to loose wishing that she would live but also the sadness and pain that made me realize and fully understand what is important. That hit me as I was loosing my daughter harder than I have ever been hit in my life. I say this because I feel that it really plays into why I would want to be with a woman that hasnt been with a lot of guys and prefers to find something real and long lasting. Now for the apology unless Im wrong. I presumed that if a woman has been with A LOT of guys that she would be stretched out and I wouldnt be able to do anything for her (Im either 6 to 7 on average and has seen it go to 8 before and taking a tape measure around Im 4 1/2) as if I wouldnt be able to feel anything (they say a womans vagina is like elastic but if you stretch to far too fast you could tear it. Basic science). I know I would be able to please her since i have a pair of hands and a mouth with a tounge and I could also be as aggressive as I have to be and improvise but at the same time I kind of feel that a lot of women have been saying bigger is better or bigger than what I have and I wouldnt be worth her time. Or wouldnt give be the time of day without looking at the person I am, not giving the ME inside a shot just because Im not "big enough" (there have been women that have done that to me). I dont know if its true or not that a woman gets really loose after being with a lot of guys that have been with bigger than what I got and what i have wouldnt please her or feel tight to me. But if its not true then for this I apologize to any and all women for my presumption. I may have a high IQ but I dont know everything and can admit when Im wrong if Im wrong.