Ode to Youth

i still remember Kevin. i remember innocence, car pools, church groups, ice skating and bike riding.

i remember kissing like you never wanted to stop, holding hands like you would lose life if you let go. the days when i stopped playing dolls and started gazing into his eyes. so much time has passed.

what i wouldn't give to see you now. it has been over 10 years. how did time move so fast? do you have a wife? do you have children? are you alive?

do you remember me? that tears falling shaking voice as i told you i loved you for the first time. it was the first time i have ever told anybody like that. i never wanted it to end. you are everything that i miss in this life. the end of childhood.

i still love you, but you know that.

lostcancerian lostcancerian
36-40, F
1 Response Jun 1, 2007

it was nice to hear of your story, one with such a positive outcome. i can really relate to the part where you said it felt like you were grieving for her. i guess that is the most accurate representation of how i can explain my feelings for kevin. we were really young. mid school. 12- 14 years old. we never had what you could call a "relationship". we never asked each other to date. it was kind of a given. we went everywhere, did everything together, best friends and loves. i remember days strolling down ditch roads picking cat tails and dandylions, teasing each other and the wonderful feeling of him so carefully, so hesitantly sliding his sweaty dirty hand into mine. we were all but children and i would give just about anything to hear his voice again. <br />
i've tried contacting his mom to get ahold of him, but she said he was living in a remote part of colorado and didn't have a phone line or email. she said she would tell him i said hello. that was 4 years ago. i have seen neither hair nor hide of him, heard nothing about him. it is like he fell of the face of the planet. i just would enjoy telling him how i had felt for him in my youth. i mean, not just the "i love you", but what he did for me, how he influenced my life and what a standard he gave me. he was wonderful and i still cry when i think about him. that is grief i suppose. hard to tell if it's just me being sentimental or what. this is such a hard topic for me.