The Set Up-part 1

Since I was three I was set up to get my heart broken by this kid we will call Sami.

We met on the playground when I was three, my mom was sick so I guess I was looking for someone to love me. Not the preverted way my sister and her boyfriend were "loving" me. but actually loving me as a person ya know.

So anyway I met the seven yr old Sami on the playground, why was I always playing by myself on the playground at three years old anyway? My older sister at sixteen was supposed to be looking after me but mostly she just starved me and locked me out of the house. I had another sister who would bring me some pizza from time to time but I think the whole situation was too depressing for her to deal with. My mom had cancer, in the advanced stages, breast cancer, and was deteriorating so I guess she just couldn't get up anymore.

So Sami became my so-called best friend we would play house and doctor and it was all very sweet we were in a sense like soul mates but maybe only because we were both picked on by the bully on the playground and so grouped together.

Somehow I always knew Sami was the one that I would always love. When we played army I would always let him lead the way, one time I hung my whistle around his neck so he would know how special he was to me. Another time I let him hold my Jackie doll and imagined what it would be like if we had kids someday :)

Too bad he never felt that way, basically I was just someone put in his life for him to take his abuse out on and why not? everyone else I have ever loved has done the same.

I remember one time on the playground when the older girls were playing jump rope, they were a different ethnic group than I and I knew that they would never accept me into their game of jump rope, still I couldn't help but watch wishing i could have fun like them. Sami came up behind me and whispered that I should go ask them to play. I told him no way and he dared me. So of course I accepted the dare and got pushed on my *** for it in front of the entire playground. He and all the other kids laughed at me for this. I told Sami that i hated him and ran off, he ran off after me and said " I just wanted you to realize that no one likes you around here" I was crying and said "I already knew that"

Eventually I forgave Sami and we started hanging out again, not sure why I just didn't cut my losses, I've always been overly forgiving that is just my nature, I have to learn how to control this to protect my self, plus Sami was just so cute I used to love his eyes, skin, and to run my fingers through his silky hair when he would let me. He was the first person to pay me any positive type attention so I reveled in it too much. I guess this was the attention I craved from my parents who were unavailable.

We had some pretty intense conversations for our age it was as if he understood and I felt I could share everything with him. He knew my sister and her boyfriend were abusing me, he encouraged me to tell. I did but of course that blew up in my face too as everyone I told turned their back on me.

I guess I was too naive' to realize that rape and abuse is one of those things that girls just have to suck up and deal with, especially poor girls, whether we like to acknowledge it or not if a girl cries foul often she is blamed or ridiculed unless she can provide proof of an attack. No one wants to see rapists, stalkers, and abusers, for what they really are until someone ends up dead, its a man's world and us poor girls with no parents are ripe for the picking when it comes to abuse, protect your kids ladies, especially your little girls. I learned from this situation that most people don't care and the ones that do are powerless to help.

As the summer wound down some strange things happened I told my mother one day that Sami and I were going to be married someday, she happened to be feeling better that day so after a rain we went for a walk and happened to pass by Sami's place. He came to the window, I smiled and waved at him and asked him to come out I wanted him to meet my mommy. His mean dad came out and yelled at us to go away obviously freaked out by the fact that someone sick was trying to talk to his son and I think he felt we were bad luck, which we were. Maybe I should have paid attention and stayed away but of course like a moth to a flame I couldn't manage.

I have another memory of swimming in my little pool that my pizza loving sister had brought me one day, I was out swimming and a rusty old car pulls up. I couldn't help but gawk I had never seen such an old car in my life. I saw that it was Sami and his parents and my awe turned to smiles as I waved I wanted him to come swim with me, but his dad just drove off.

Another time I was out playing Simon says and red light green light with my bossy sister and Sami walked up we played for a while but he walked off annoyed because Sami hated to be told what to do, especially by females. I thought that was good at the time, I figured one day he would be the kind of man who would be able to know what to do without being told and would protect me someday.

My other sister the abuser locked me out of the house one evening so I ran to the playground and got on the horsey and just started rocking back and forth violently. Here comes Sami, he punches me in the arm, I was so pissed already, at this point I was realizing that when my mom died she was not coming back and I was just sick of the whole situation. I started screaming at Sami and punched him back, he made me so mad. We talked again that evening and I guess we sort of made up but he left me with a feeling that he was unsympathetic to my problems which I should have paid attention to. But I guess a little attention is better than none, or so I thought.

One evening I remember I told Sami that we were going to get married when we were older. I told him lots of other things basically I had some strange gift when I was little and could tell the future sort of like psychic hotline lol. He told me that I was scaring him and that none of this was going to come true because he was going to be married to someone else from his native country. I knew about a lot of things and they did end up coming true, but i guess no one wants to acknowledge that this is the case because it is an unsolved mystery of sorts.

So anyway one night Sami found me outside at night, my sisters "boyfriend" had come to the door looking for my sister and she was not there so he asked if i could come out to "play" and I tried to resist and I told him my mom said no but he asked her so she said "yes" so I was basically pushed out the door to go play with him. He took me to the courts where his stupid friends were at a nd they were all trying to rap and ****. I had to pretend like I liked being there with him, the psycho was acting like we were on some sort of date or something. I remember one of his friends saying "ain't she kinda young?" and he said look she has the eyes of a woman already and he was acting like I was his gf or something, the dude was sick as hell, I was three he was like fifteen, flippin perv!!!!!

So here comes Sami out at night trying to hang with the big kids, as soon as the walked up they started calling him some racial slurs and when he saw me thankfully he escorted me home. Dude I was wayyyy to young to be dealing with these situations. I loved Sami so much after that night despite all the mean **** he said to me and sometimes did it seems like when i needed him he saved me. I really think that if i would have stayed out I would have gotten raped by those dudes. So for that I will be eternally grateful to Sami for saving my ***! which he would do a million times I'm sure.

So anyway Sami told me to never get in the car with guys for money or candy and such. I tried to explain that my sisters boyfriend had a way of putting me into situations with him that I cannot get out of like most predators do. I told him I loved him again and kissed him and gave him a hug and he turned beet red and he was so sweet and innocent back then that it is no wonder that despite it all I am still in love with him to this day.

To be continued.....

ebloser ebloser
26-30, F
May 17, 2012