It Will Never Stop

There was a time when I truly though that everything in life would work out fine, just so long as I had love... I mean, after all, isn't that what we're taught to believe all through growing up? All the fairy tales about "true loves kiss" and "love conquering all", that was supposed to be it...

She was supposed to be it...

6 years ago it all began, my spiral into belief of one of life's greatest lies. I had met the girl of my dreams, my best friend, and the only person to know me wholly as a person. We pledged our lives to each other and were married. It was truly one of the happiest days of my life. It was as though (and I know this might sound sappy) I had finally become complete. Just reminiscing brings a saccharine smile to my face, the good times will haunt you that way...

Fast forward some time later, after life gets in the way, with job changes, bills, credit and all the other things that we must accumulate as "grown ups". Time it's self now pulling us apart from each other, then... the unspeakable happens...
It's that feeling in the pit of your stomach, that moment when you know that pain is so very real. The shock sets in and your insides try their best to escape, but that doesn't help. It just makes the pain bitter to taste.

She cheated. More specifically, with someone I once called friend. An atrocity so ridiculous there needs to be a new word for it! Something stronger than what even urban dictionary would be able to come up with. Something large enough to mimic the pain.

Regardless of the pain, of the lies, deceit or deception, she still remains the one love of my life to this day. We have been separated for some time now, and as far as I know, she's happy with what she now has. A peice of me is happy for her, a piece of me wishes I could hate her, but my heart won't let that happen. I simply can't hate the one person who knows my true self. Don't get me wrong, I HATE what she did. I hate the pain of loss. I hate having the best part of my life end with one stupid decision, and I hate that I may never be that happy again in my life. Still... I can't forget her, and I know I never will...
sgrin22 sgrin22
26-30, M
1 Response Aug 12, 2012

Heartbreak. The simple thought of getting robbed of a future you'll never have. It's harsh, really, and I know that your so called "friend" already knew you both were married, it's not a nice thing to do to a friend, but you shouldn't be angry at them or hate them just yet, as you have to understand their intentions first.<br />
Talk to her about this, without any sort of arguments or anger thrown around. Tell her you got hurt and tell her many times that you honestly think she's the one. Finding out the answer to the question usually has to revolve around you searching for clues.<br />
During that time, remember, everybody makes mistakes, and everybody has to go through the consequences. It's not about how you manage to dodge all the life's problems thrown at you, it's about how you can manage to get up on your feet after each blow.<br />
I'm not saying that there's a chance you can bring her back, but know this - don't cry for someone who won't cry for you. I'm probably setting you up for the worst, but if you do know you won't be able to get her back, understand that the depression you're having is only temporary, as sadness and happiness comes in irregular intervals. Don't stop loving people, but do remember what mistakes you did, and learn from them. Don't get anxious about them either, even if it may seem impossible. Learn why she has left you, and fix that with a plug. I got my heart broken once, after that I decided that I would become the most lustfully wanted, lovable, and helpful person ever, and I'm actually pretty close to that claim already. But before that, it hurt me emotionally really bad, though, I couldn't feel happiness completely, but usually, the things that I did and did best helped me not necessarily bring me happiness or joy, but to keep off the sadness that I kept having. You can speak to somebody else about this too, it's a serious thing and you should always have at least one person to back you up when times go rough. It can even be your own family, or your grandmother, somebody who can provide you with wisdom of the problem.<br />
And you're right about never forgetting that person. Don't remember her as a broken home, but rather remember her as a foundation for a new house. Something that's even stronger than the last one.<br />
I learned that if you pick somebody that can only grant you good feelings and nothing else in return, it'll usually end up in a breakup. A long-lasting relationship has to make both of you give each other something in return, rather than one of you working hard towards the other, whom later leaves you even if you did that much to that person.<br />
There are many solutions to this problem though, I'm not expecting that all of my written ideas will help you, but understand that this ain't the end of the world yet, and there's still time to make everything right again, or just move on to a better future.<br />
God has reason and a plan for everything, you know. We may never know the reason or see the plan, but it's there. It's called Faith.<br />
"A house is built by wisdom and becomes strong through good sense."<br />
Proverbs 24:3<br />
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Oh, and the fairy tale things. That stuff ain't real, it's only there to be entertaining to kids, same applies to romantic movies and pretty much everything love-related, including those that are made by a true story are all fiction and should never be taken as life wisdom. Love is not a never-ending interval of happiness. It has its own plentiful downfall moments as well.