How Long Will It Take To Get Over Her?

I'm 26 years old and live in a rural part of Northestern PA. Hmmm, where to start...
Well, my fiance left me about a year ago. We were together for a little over three years and everything was great until 6 months or so before she left. I'm originally from Pennsylvania but I met her when I was living in Arizona. We were only together for seven or eight months before I told her I was moving back to PA and asked her to come with me. She said yes with no hesitation and we moved a few months later. I asked her to marry me the following summer and we bought a house that September. She worked in logistics and that December got offered a job with great pay. The job was two hours away but we talked about it and I wanted her to be happy so I told her to take the job and we'd figure it out. I was always encouraging her to do what made her happy, whether that be a job, hobby, or going back to school. So she took the job, and we planned to see each other every other weekend until she got settled, then every weekend after that. We managed to see each other twice that first month, then once the first week in January. We started fighting all the time on the phone because I wanted to see her more and she didn't seem to care. She broke it off with me on February 6th, over the phone. She came to get all her stuff a couple weeks later. I saw her two months later because she said she missed me and wanted to come down. She came for the weekend and we slept together. She told me she hated the job and she made a mistake. She said she wanted to come back and that she would put in her two weeks that Monday. A week later she still hadn't put in her notice. We talked on the phone a couple times a week and she just said she was confused about what she wanted out of life right now. Six weeks later she came back again. She told me she got offered a job in Montana and she was going to take it. She said we would still talk and she still thought we were supposed to end up together just maybe not right now. She said she thought we both just needed to live our lives and if we ended up in the same place that would be great.
See, we're both travelers. I moved all around the country for a few years with nothing but my motorcycle, and I loved it. She's the same way, we both have that wander lust. When we moved to PA, however, we let my grandfather talk us into buying a house and settling down. We both thought that's what we really wanted, I think.
Anyway, I was upset because I thought we were getting back together. The next day she called me and told me she was pregnant. Then she said "It's not yours." Man, that hit me like a load of bricks. I couldn't really be mad at her though, because I had sex with two girls in the two months when I thought we were done for good. Then I told her that I loved her, and since she hadn't told anyone yet, for all intents and purposes that could be my kid. I told her that she could tell her family it was mine, and we could do whatever she wanted. Whether that meant her coming back here or me moving back to Arizona with her. She told me she needed time to think about it. She drove back to Arizona by herself, and we talked on the phone every day. Two weeks later, still not having gotten an answer, I called her and asked about it. She told me it wasn't really a good time and she needed more time to think about it. She wasn't sure I guess. By this time, I was so sick of hearing that. So I told her it was never a good time, and I was gonna make it a really easy decision. I couldn't let her keep me on the line any longer. It was killing me. Unfortunately, she ended up losing the baby a few weeks later. She was 15 weeks I think. She told me that in a text and we spoke on the phone a few times after that.
That was 5 months ago. I still think about her every day. Every single day. I still love her so much and if she showed up at my door I would take her back, unconditionally. I've had one night stands and short flings with something like 12 girls since then but I still think about her constantly. I truly believed that we were supposed to be together. I still kind of do. I feel so alone. I miss having someone around. I've been laid off for four months and I can't find a job so I just spend my time either sitting around or chasing girls at bars and on the internet. Mostly on the internet, because I live in the middle of nowhere. It's a pretty rough place for a single 20 something to live haha. Then again, I wasn't planning on being single when I moved here. I used to be a really good guy. I tried to treat people the best I possibly could, but now I just sleep with girls and never call them again. I hate it. I can't seem to stop though. I crave that feeling of closeness with someone. I need that touch. But as soon as I have sex with them, I completely lose interest. What is wrong with me?
Torox Torox
26-30, M
2 Responses Oct 28, 2012

wow! the reason u lose interest is cuz u dont intend to love them... but simply get urself satisfied and deal with that momentarily desire...i am sure it is hard to live in the pain of not having someone when u need them... and that is why its told not to sleep with someone without marrying them... cuz then u can atleast have a committed partner who wud stick by u... once u experiemce intamacy its hard to function without it... i think... its good to give unconditional love, but the other shud be deserving of it... why not give that love to one of the person u sleep with in her absence... who knows she may respect u more then this girl.

Well I can't just give someone unconditional love at will. And I would never ever marry someone without sleeping with them. What happens if you get married and find out that you're completely sexually incompatible? No thank you, sir.

I totally understand you. I still miss my ex-bf. We talk but in the end I don't think we should do that,too.
Of course you think of her, you love her so much. I don't think she loves you that much. I know you love her, but I think you should let go otherwise you'll get hurt even more. Or, don't answer all of her smses and calls and see how she reacts then. She needs to show that she cares and loves you AND words are not enough, actions matter.
I'm sorry to say, but I think you are so much better person than she is, and I still think that someday someone loves you as much as you love her.
Take care!

Hey thanks for your reply, Belier. I know I should let go. It's been months since we've spoken but I still think about her every day. It's kind of pathetic haha. I truly thought that she was the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with and try as I might, I still feel like we're going to end up together again. I really came unglued without her and I don't know how to pull myself out of the rut I'm in. I got laid off from my job, I started using drugs recreationally after five years of sobriety. I'm trying to get myself out of this funk, I really am. I'm in my second week of truck driving school now. It's something I always wanted to do but didn't because I didn't want to spend weeks on the road and leave her home alone. But it feels like everything I do is empty. I have a really hard time trying to find reasons to get out of bed sometimes. Wow I sound really pathetic and emo haha.

It does not sound pathetic, I went through the same thing, I understand you. I know how it feels so empty and I know how it feels when you don't have the strenght to get out of bed. This sounds crazy but you have to respect yourself, too AND yes, you could be with her but this is what you want? Think about it. Maybe you will find someone perfect in some years. Think about it. Try to envision it. Let's's year 2013 or 2014 and you're with a dream girl and then you will tell yourself:" I'm so glad I ended up with her. I thought I will never have someone like her, but now I have a true love. I'm glad I met the new girl. She is so much better"

Thank you that's a really nice thought. You brought a smile to my face :)