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I Still Haven't Found What I Am Looking For

I've Found A Lot Of Things.

By: girlmcgirly
Written on November 27th, 2011
I was writing this in my journal and I realized I was writing it there because I didn't want anyone to offer another side, a different view. I want what I am in the process of thinking and feeling to be right and I don't want to have to defend it and watch it crumble as I am moved by what other people say to me.

Then on my path of realization, I realized, that the only way I am ever going to find that tiny thing that makes every other thing click is to be open to it. Even if that means opening myself up enough for other people to tell me that I am on the wrong path, going the wrong direction on the right path..whatever. Just open to other ideas and views.

It scares me sometimes to think of finding what it is that I am looking for. Other times it scares me to think I have found what I was looking for and turned my back on it or let it slip through my fingers. Or maybe just enjoyed it and grew complacent with it and decided that what I was looking for was still out there.

I guess what I am wondering is there every any true and lasting complete fulfillment out there at all?

If you have it....I'd love to know where you found it. Other than the last place that you looked.


Time: 9:30
Weather: Chilly and Sunny
Place: Still in my bed with a cold
Music:The Horrible Crowes-Ladykiller and The Foo Fighters-Wheels
Goal for today: Get more Kleenex and feel like going to work tomorrow
By: girlmcgirly
Age: 41-45 , Female
478 people have read this story

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6 responses
  • paco35
    paco35

    Delving thoughts to ponder. I have asked myself the same questions thruout my life. I still haven't heard the

    answer.

    Nov 29, 2011
    1 like
  • weiganka909
    weiganka909

    I think that the meaning of life can be ascertained with a good working knowledge of quantum physics. Unfortunately, this seems to exceed my intellectual purview so I'm left with the belief that the greatest contentment comes from loving someone - species non-specific.

    Nov 27, 2011
    1 like
  • Sylphy
    Sylphy

    Dear Girly... when I meditate, I always need a mantra to focus. Imagine a faerie having to lay still... haha... My mantra has varied on different seasons, on different occasions. Only because we are ever changing... our lives, our desires, our dreams, our needs.



    Faerie's mantra right now is: "I am open and vulnerable trusting the universe to show me the way".



    One can never ask for the right path. "It’s the choices we make when we reach a fork in the road that define who we are.” (I got this from Dexter, the TV series... Dexter?! Who would've thought?)

    And we will always have forks, as we continue to live and grow. It's never-ending. It's a life-long process, a life-long learning.



    So to your question on the complete fulfilment... I guess that would be a time when the path has become straight... and there are no more forks on the road... ... ... what then?

    Nov 27, 2011
    2 likes
  • Quintesse
    Quintesse

    http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Have-To-Keep-Things-In-Perspective/1835500?omni

    Nov 27, 2011
    1 like
  • Quintesse
    Quintesse

    This is beautiful. I find life very hard, and I find peace in my heart elusive, but I have learned few things over the past couple of years.

    One thing is I read a passage about snakes and ropes (which I will link for you) that really helped me to not look backwards--or forwards, (in other words not concentrating on regret or fear of what might happen or not happen) and I found that if I just focused on the now--today, this afternoon, that I was so much better off in my thinking.

    Then if you take that time that you have and you focus (as doug said so nicely) on finding and doing the thing that truly gives you satisfaction and joy, then you have found the secret. Live in the now, and try your best to make the now as good as it can possibly be.

    Nov 27, 2011
    3 likes
  • ronanp
    ronanp

    My dear girly. I hear a lot of dorothy in this post. I am certainly not one to give advice on how to find ultimate happiness since I find myself searching all the time. My mind is always filled with what if's. I m not even sure I know what is happy anymore. You said one thing that stuck out to me... Is there any true and lasting complete fulfillment out there. True and lasting are noble goals... I would hope we all find that. Complete, that's where I think we run into trouble. The chance of being with someone who will provide complete fulfillment, click on every level...laugh at all of your jokes so to speak... That may be a goal that leaves us chasing forever. So to me complete is unrealistic, maybe is there sufficient fulfillment on enough levels may be a better goal. I know that sounds like settling and it probably is. But then again Chasing complete may leave you like Dorothy, sitting in bed with a massive headache, realizing it wasn't so bad where you were.... (but what a dream...)

    Nov 27, 2011
    2 likes