Young Love

I've been friend with Michael since sixth grade. He was the guy that everyone was friends with and could get on your nerves pretty easily. But I liked him because he was so headstrong and what you saw was what you got. All through middle school we were good friends. We told each other everything. He told me about his family issues and I told him about my insecurities. I cared about him so much and just wanted him to be happy. So when he asked me out on a date, the summer before ninth grade, I was thrilled. But that excitement soon turned to indecision. I was worried that taking that next step in our relationship would ruin everything. We were only fifteen. So we decided to just stay best friends and not complicate anything. High school started and we were inseparable. He seemed to have moved on and I pretended to do the same. But I wasn't over him.

Every moment we spent together was a moment I would replay over and over and over again in my head. I tried to distance myself from him to try to get over him, because I thought he had done the same. One night we were texting and we got to the topic of "us". I told him I hadn't gotten over him after I cancelled our date and he told me he liked for a long time after that. But he also told me he was over me now. I felt crushed. Hearing the words brought a tidal wave of feelings for him flooding back. By Christmas I had realized I had been stupid and naive and wanted to be with him. But he had a new girlfriend.

We grew apart when he started dating Haley. We rarely talked to each other and never as deep as we once had. When I had heard they broke up at the beginning of sophomore year, I tried to reach out again. We went on a couple of dates and I thought things were going well. Then after Christmas break, he stopped returning my texts and avoided me at school. I didn't try to talk to him about it, I took the hint. I still don't know what happened. A few months later he was in a relationship with a girl named Jessie.

At the start of junior year, I was nervous to be around him. We was in most of my classes and I had to see him everyday with Jessie. I was cautious the first few weeks, but he was happy to talk to me. We soon fell back into our old ways and had inside jokes and walked to class together, but at the end of the day, he would give Jessie a kiss goodbye, not me. I knew I wasn't over him. I went out on dates with other guys and had many crushes, but none of them were Michael.

Freshman year Michael and I had made a promise to go prom together and despite everything that had happened between us, I was holding out hope that he would leave Jessie and come back to me. That didn't happen. I didn't even end up going to prom because the only person I wanted to go with was him. But junior year has come and go and I'm looking forward to a summer without Michael and I look forward to meeting and spending time with guys who want me. I've literally spent years pining over a guy that clearly does not want to be in a relationship with me. There's a part of me that will always love him and may never fully get over him, but I've also come to realize that I'm not going to accept being a second or third choice. I deserve to be someone's first choice.
BridgetFitzsimmons BridgetFitzsimmons
18-21, F
Jun 23, 2012