Any Advice Would Be Appreciated

I have been married for five years and all of this time, I am still in love with my first love. He was one of my best friends in middle school, and I was 15 when I realized I was in love with him. I told him two years later, and he told me he didn't feel that way. He was in love with one my close friends instead, but she never went for him because she knew how I felt about him. After all of these years, we have argued, been in a few bad situations, but one or the other forgets about it and get drawn together again as if nothing happened.
Ten years have gone by, and not a day has passed that I haven't thought about him. Every time I see him, I still get butterflies. I don't want to feel this way.
I have never felt for my husband as I have felt for him, and I will admit that my husband and I aren't having the best marriage. I want to work on my husband, and not concentrate on this guy. I know I need to cut him out of my life. We have tried, but every time, one of us friends another again on facebook, texts, or calls. The more it is bottled up, the worse it gets. I am debating on telling him why I can't have him in my life anymore, because I know telling him will seal the deal on us not being in each other's life anymore. It isn't fair to my husband.
I don't expect my letter to somehow get us together, because that's not what I want. I want to be with my husband, because he has loved me unconditionally, where this other guy never fell in love with me as I did him. I just feel the sooner I get this off my chest, the faster I can move on with this. What should I do? Thanks!
mickey10186 mickey10186
1 Response Jul 16, 2012

I don't believe it is ever okay to settle for someone you aren't completely happy with, because you know there is someone out there better for you even if that man isn't on your mind the idea that there is something better will stay with you. If you want to get rid of your feelings for him you have to want it. If there is done part of you still holding on to, which there is because you still think about him and converse with him then you will never be able to let him go. You don't truly want to let him go because you know he is the one you love and you can't let that go, it's impossible. Your husband may love you unconditionally but you love someone else, you can't change your feelings, be open to them. Suppression of your true feelings won't get you the man you love or a better marriage. The small voice inside you telling you that there are better things out there will never quit nagging. Unless you decide what you truly want.