I Feel Judged.

I am 26 years old and still live at home. I currently can't find a job anywhere. I'm frustrated, depressed and sick of life. I also have no money, and I feel like a loser. To be honest, if I moved out, I wouldn't have anywhere to go. I wouldn't be able to pay for rent. I can't cook, clean, etc. I have no one else in my life (i.e. no friends etc) and I'm single (always have been). Things have been like this forever. Socially, it has been a constant struggle to "fit in".

I have tried to improve my life, but every attempt has ended in failure. I feel like my family are the only people on Earth who love me, understand me and accept me for who I am. Why would I want to leave? If I did, the chances are I would end up completely alone, socially isolated and just plain suicidal.

I have Asperger's, an undiagnosed sleep disorder, and social anxiety. I am so upset that I can't relate to other people my age, who are married, have good jobs because they went to university, own their own houses, have friends and have families. Basically, I have no friends, no plans, and nowhere to go. On the weekend, I thought about what everyone else was out doing, and I was stuck at home and I just cried.

My parents know what I've been through in life. And they love me in spite of my numerous failures, problems and moments on despair. I just wish that things were normal, and I had a social life, and something to live for in life. All my "friends" have basically walked out of my life, whereas my family have stuck around to support me. I could not be more grateful for any of this. But I just wish that I had so much more, sometimes.

I don't mention anything about my living arrangements to anyone. Because I know that people will never understand anyway. They'll never fully realize the things I've been through, the struggles, the frustration and the depression. If you haven't walked a day in my shoes, then I don't expect you to understand. Things are hopeless, but at the moment, I am powerless to change them. I feel like it could take several decades for things to change in my life.
deleted deleted
26-30
2 Responses Dec 4, 2012

I can relate to your pain. Though I don't have Asperger's, at your age I had Social Anxiety/Avoidant disorder. Out of sheer desperation for connection, I had to overcome those things - so though not shy anymore, I still feel like I don't belong.

I suggest at 26 you look into something called "psychodrama" in your area. You have to conquer this as soon as possible. I talked to a therapist for 14 years and here I am with no parents, no friends, no family, no one I connect to. Dont end up like me--look up psychodrama and see if you can find a program that will treat you on a sliding fee scale.

I can't say I know how you feel, but in some ways I do know.
I hate people who judge someone by hos cover.
You need to fail in order to achieve something better, and if failing is what it takes don't give up. Fail until you finally do achieve your goal.

You'll figure it out :) you always do :)

Inbox me if you want to talk. I'm a friend and I'd like to :)

Don't thank me, I'm here to help and be helped.
You can talk to me about anything, any time. I'm almost always on my phone so I'll reply as much as I can.
Everyone at some point starts judging themselves and that only leads to insecurity. I know this because I feel it all the time. Only one friend has be being myself in front of her, and I like it when I can let things out to her, because she understands me.
And I'm understanding you, so feel free to message me :)

- sorry for the late reply