A Very Broken Heart

I married my high school sweetheart almost 39 years ago when she was 18 and I was 19.  We have three grown children and 9 grandchildren.

Six years after we were married I was working as an Elementary School Principal. I met her at a meeting at another school was was intrigued by her stunning looks, her manner, and her intelligence, but thought nothing more about it.

A year later, she came to work at my school as an elementary school counselor.  She was a great addition to the school. Our relationship was strictly professional in all respects and all of our personal contact was on the job and job related.  We got along very well and our communication was very open and straight forward.  She married that year.

Over time, I found myself thinking of her more often and wanting to spend more time with her.  I thought of her as a friend and not just a colleague.

Then it hit me one day walking to work...I loved her!  What was I to do?  She knew I cared for her but not the extent of it....and I did not tell her or anyone else.  I did quit my job to get away from her under the guise of returning to school to obtain my doctorate and had no contact with her though I sorely wanted too.

I did spend the next 3 years away at college successfully getting my doctorate.  During those three years, my pain and longing was excruciating.  I undertook trying to understand what was happening to me and why.  I spent more time studying and researching on this than my academic studies.  In the end I knew the what but not the why.  That is how it remains to this day.

Over the next 26 years she was in my thoughts every minute of every day..but not in an obsessive way..strange as that may seem. 

I had not seen her or talked to her in almost 30 years and did not know where she was during most of that time, when I came across her name by accident in a phone book while looking for a room for summer school.  After six or seven months of thinking about contacting her, should I-shouldn't I, I decided to send her an email if I could find her email address.  I did find it.  So I sent her an email.  She responded positively to the email 3 months later! 

I responded to her email....her response this time was to ask me if I was a "stalker"..ouch, I wasnt and told her so in reply as well as telling her good bye.

A week later she emailed me and asked me why I did not ask about her husband?  I had learned from the newspaper two months earlier that he had tragically passed away 18 years earlier leaving her to raise their three children.

I replied that I thought it best that I allow her to bring up the subject if she wanted too.  Thus began a series of emails back and forth for the next month.

Finally, we agreed to meet at the Student Union for coffee.  I was standing in the SUB at the top of the stairs looking for her, when from below me I heard someone call my name.  I looked and it was her.  She flew up the steps and the next thing I knew we were hugging. As the saying goes, I thought I had died and gone to heaven.  We then spent the next 4 hours talking..It was as though we had never been apart.  A week later we met and took a hike up the "M".  Another fantastic moment.  Afterward she invited me to her home.  I visited her house and it certainly was a reflection of her.  We chatted some more for about 20 minutes and then I left.

The following day I received an email that said,"we needed to put some distance between us and that she appologized for any negative feelings this might create"

I was devastated and answered her email telling her so and asking her to tell me why? Nothing.

It has been four years since that day.  During that time I emailed and wrote to her every 3 or 4 months telling her just how I was feeling and thinking without her ever responding trying to learn the why and trying to convince her to change her mind.

It has been a year now since I last tried to contact her.  We were never lovers...just colleagues and friends yet I still love her...she was, is and probably always will be the greatest love of my life! 

Mistau Mistau
56-60, M
5 Responses Apr 18, 2007

She wanted sex when she invited you over bro. She prolly hadn't had any since her husband passed. But u didn't bang her. I think that's why she didn't talk to u anymore.

Sir. Thanks for sharing.

It`s amazing how love that strong can last throughout the years. It`s an odd thing this kind of attraction. I can only imagine how you may feel.<br />
I'm curious though, are you still married? Sorry if this presumptuous... :)<br />
<br />
Sorry your love was unrequited.


Dude, I KNOW EXACTLY where you are coming from and I did the same thing. Eventually, you have to let her go and do your best to understand that there is someone out there who will love you, if you give them the chance...even if you never find someone who really loves you and you end up alone, that is better than hanging on to something that was not, is not and will not ever be there...I am speaking from DIRECT EXPERIENCE. Trust me. Good luck. Give someone else the chance to be special.