I Still Love My Ex Husband

I was married for 12 years to this man. He helped raise my 2 children from a prior marriage who were ages 4 and 7 when we married and I helped raise his 4 children from a prior marriage ages 8, 10, 11, 13th when we married. We divorced after 12 years and here I am 2 years later still in love with him. He has made it clear he only wants to be "friends". We go to dinner occasionally and I want more. I feel so stupid and alone for having these strong feelings. What is wrong with me? I must be insane, but I can't seem to move on.
dimaggiola dimaggiola
5 Responses Feb 13, 2008

I am currently divorcing my husband of 17 years. He is a mans man who plays ba<x>seball, gambles on fantasy ba<x>seball/football, doesn't do jack around the house and is totally shocked that I filed for divorce. Three kids later, I do love him but am grateful that I got out of a neglectful relationship. My feelings of love are still confusing. The fact that HE filed for alimony yet still wants to come come is beyond I don't know what. I just pray that my kids are truly better off with one calm parent than two hostile ones. I also pray that I am able to recognize a healty relationship potential if I am lucky enough to find it.

Time to move on.

I wish I had advice, but I don't; just a story. I also divorced my wife of 2 1/2 years due to me doing everything I could to make her happy, but her bipolar disorder and alcoholism just too much overtook the amazing side of her and turned her into someone scary and very mean; like some of you said, verbally abusive, belittling, and now that I find out the truth that she moved from Albuquerque to NW Arkansas that the man she said was a married friend from High School she actually married two months after the finalization of our divorce, that she may have also been unfaithful. She went to visit him more than once during our marriage. I met the guy when he came to Albuquerque in U-Haul to get her and her things. I don't know what kind of guy he really is, though. We never had children together which I guess is a good thing. I am working on adopting on my own. She did thank me for everything I've done for her after it was finalized, and apologized for everything she said and did to me, and even after she admitted to me over the phone that she got remarried, she tole me she still loved me and will always have a special place in her heart for me. I told her I felt the same way even after everything she said and did to me. I was so tempted to drop the petition for divorce, and even ask her to stay and try again but as a couple living separate and not remarry until I adopt on my own and it looks like she reformed completely and permanently; not just temporarily and then relapse like she had during the marriage more than once. Her kids love me, her family loves me. I know we can still be friends even long distance. She told me I was still family. But it does break my heart to see how she ran into her 3rd marriage that quickly. I know I could have been a victim of much more if we tried again this quickly, but it still isn't easy. I do sometimes feel guilty for not being patient enough for her to change. I know only God can change someone and He gives free will. I prayed and still pray it happens for her. I do want her to be happy and successful. I just wish I could have been the one to make her happy, and full time, not just part time like during the marriage, no matter what I did for her. The only thing I could suggest to anyone struggling with the loss of a marriage which I do regularly is find and attend church-ba<x>sed support groups for the divorced, separated and widowed in your area. In Albuquerque, I attend a group called DOVES that the Catholic diocese here puts on. They are every-other Monday or Tuesday depending on location in the city/metro area. Other denominations offer support groups like that to. You'd just have to look up the offers in your area. God bless everyone. Thanks for listening everyone. I know others can relate.

Thank you so much for your comment back. You are absolutely right. He did end up with health problems. He has already had a quadruple bi pass and still continued to smoke. Now they say he has hardening of the arteries in his leg which can improve if he would just give up smoking which he never will. I was just having a bad night. Not lonely, just sad about the failure. Today is better and I appreciate the time you took to write me back.<br />
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You are an angel. :)

Dimaggiola, yes I understand your feelings. I miss my ex also. We were married for 20 years and I left him because he smoked pot. He has since married his dealer and moved her into the house where our children are no longer welcomed. When I decided to leave him I wasn't thinking of the repercussions on the family. My son turns 21 this month and we are having a birthday party for him at my girlfriends house because there is no longer a place that we call home. I wish I would have known how hard it is to lose your roots. I am fine, I have a nice apartment, good job, almost done with my Bachelors degree. I just miss my home, not house. I miss all of us together. I miss the stability and security and acceptance he gave me. Why did I think smoking pot was such a big deal?