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I Still Love My Ex

LET ME FIRST START FROM WHERE IT ALL STARTED........I FIRST MET MY EX, RAY, WHEN MY SISER WAS SEEING HIS COUSIN. HE WAS 12 YEARS OLD & I WAS 15. WE BECAME REALLY COOL FRIENDS. MY PARENTS & HIS WERE GOOD FRIENDS TOO. NOW MY PARENTS DIDN'T LIKE RAY OR HIS COUSINS. BUT REGARDLESS, I ALWAYS REMAINED FRIENDS WITH THEM. WE LIVED UP IN COLORADO AND AFTER A SITUATION (THAT I WON'T GO INTO) CAME ABOUT RAY'S FAMILY FOUND A PLACE IN NEW MEXICO. AFTER A WHILE, HS PARENTS WERE TELLING MINE WHAT A GREAT PLACE NEW MEXICO WAS AND THE SHOULD CONSIDER MOVE THERE. SO, THEY DID! I STAYED IN COLORADO FOR ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF AND AFTER GETTING INTO A HUGE FIGHT WITH MY SISTER WHO STAYED WITH ME I DECIDED TO VISIT MY MOM IN NEW MEXICO. WHILE THERE RAY AND I GOT EVEN CLOSER AND EVENTUALLY HOOKED UP.  MY MOM DIDN'T LIKE THAT VERY MUCH BUT I DIDN'T CARE. AFTER A COUPLE WEEKS I DECIDED I WASN'T GOING BACK TO COLORADO. RAY AND I STAYED TOGETHER. HE WAS 16 AND I WAS 18. NOT A BIG DIFFERENCE BUT STILL KINDA WEIRD. WE STAYED TOGETHER FOR A FEW MONTHS. ALWAYS TAKING HEAT FROM OUR PARENTS....HIS PARENTS DIDN'T LIKE ME EITHER. AFTER A WHILE I GOT TIRED OF MY MOM HASSLING ME ABOUT SO I BROKE IT OFF. I ENDED UP HOOKIN' UP WITH A FRIEND OF MY SISTER'S WHICH WAS A BAD EXPERIENCE (HE DRANK ALL THE TIME) I ENDED UP PREGNANT. HE SAID HE WANTED ME TO HAVE AN ABORTION & WHEN I REFUSED HE SAID HE WOULD KILL THE BABY & ME IF I HAD IT. SO THAT WAS THE END OF HIM! THEN RAY STARTED COMING AROUND AGAIN. HE WAS THINKING I WAS ALREADY PREGNANT WHEN WE BROKE UP, SO THE BABY WAS HIS. I ASSURED HIM IT WASN'T BUT OF COURSE HE WANTED A PATERNITY TEST DONE ANYWAY. GOT HIS HEART BROKEN WHEN HE DID! BUT REGARDLESS HE STAYED BY ME MY ENTIRE PREGNANCY. ALTHOUGH HE WASN'T ALLOWED AT THE HOSPITAL LET ALONE IN THE DELIVERY ROOM DUE TO THE FACT MY MOM DIDN'T LIKE HIM. (IT WAS MY FIRST KID, I HAD A CHOICE; HAVE MY MOM THERE OR HIM....I WAS SCARED, I CHOSE MY MOM!) WE EVENTUALLY GOT BACK TOGETHER & MOVED IN TOGETHER SHORTLY AFTER I HAD MY SON. MY SON CALLED HIM DADDY!. IT WAS A LITTLE OVER A YEAR LATER WHEN MY GRANDPA HAD GOTTEN REALLY SICK. SO, I MADE THE DECISION THAT I WAS GOING TO MOVE BACK TO LAS VEGAS, NEVADA TO HELP TAKE CARE OF HIM. RAY SAID HE COULDN'T GO BECAUSE OF HIS FAMILY IN NEW MEXICO. SO I WAITED UNTIL AFTER MY SON'S 1ST BIRTHDAY AND COME APRIL,  I MADE PLANS TO MOVE TO VEGAS & THAT WOULD BE THE END OF OUR RELATIONSHIP. IT WASN'T A BAD BREAK UP AT ALL! IN FACT, ON THE FOLLOWING MOTHER'S DAY RAY DROVE TO VEGAS TO SURPRISE ME. HE STAYED FOR A WEEK & HAD TO GO BACK. THAT WAS THE VERY LAST TIME I SAW HIM. I SPOKE TO HIM ONCE SINCE THEN BUT THAT WAS A LITTLE OVER 3 YEARS AGO. I HEARD HE MOVED AWAY TO NEW YORK OR SOMEWHERE & I CAN'T GET A HOLD OF HIM. I MISS HIM, I WISH IT COULD HAVE WORKED OUT. BUT SINCE THEN I HAVE GOTTEN WITH MY CURRENT BOYFRIEND OF 4 1/2  YEARS AND HAVE HAD 2 MORE CHILDREN. ( LAST TIME I SPOKE WITH RAY I TOLD HIM I WAS PREGNANT WITH MY MIDDLE SON). LATELY THOUGH, I HAVE BEEN DREAMING & THINKING ABOUT RAY. WONDERING IF HE IS ALRIGHT & WONDERING WERE HE IS AT & HOW HE'S DOING. HE WAS NOT ONLY MY BOYFRIEND OR A FATHER FIGURE TO MY SON, BUT RATHER HE WAS MY VERY BEST FRIEND! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!! I FEEL LIKE THERE IS A PIECE OFMY HEART MISSING THAT ONLY HE CAN FILL. ONE DAY I HOPE TO GET MY BEST FRIEND BACK, I LOVE MY EX!

CRYBABY CRYBABY 21-25, F 3 Responses Oct 25, 2006

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Honestly, as much as he hurt me, and as much as he still has the ability to drive me completely nuts, I still kinda love my ex, too. I guess I'm one of those people who really, truly loves only one person for their whole life...

parents should not peak their noses in breaking up the relations of their kids.

i kinda know how it feels like...so hang in there crybaby....