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I Wish She Would Call Me.

I wish it every day... I know I shouldn't', not because she is no good for me or because she mistreated me in any way, not because she did something unforgivable or because I wronged her and don't deserve her back. Quite the opposite in fact, she made me want to be a better person because of the amazing person she was.. IS... and I gave her my all, loved her with everything I had. I believe she loved me too, if only for a short while, with everything she had too. BUT, and it's a big but, I know she couldn't't possibly love me like she should or she never would have left.
This is why I shouldn't want her back, and because she left without being able to give me a real reason. She left all questions unanswered, everything that had been so tightly wound was now undone and I don't know why... except that she was unhappy in some way.. I know her well enough to know that it was likely some thing, some small thing that bothered her in a big way, likely as misinterpretation on a look or a statement. Something that spoke volumes to her though it was never meant to hurt her at all.
And I know her well enough to know she won't call, she won't show up at my door, or message me because she can't stay away any longer.. Even if she wanted too, even if she wants to, she won't. she is too proud and maybe even too afraid.. But I doubt that's the case, even though she is Queen of putting on a good front when everything inside is in pieces, she also happens to be Queen of moving  forward -  no regrets, life is too short. And thank god she is so stoic or she never would have lasted so long, she wouldn't't be the strong yet tender young woman she is now.. inside there may be darkness but she will never despair.
I am not so strong though, and I cannot help but hold out hope that though all evidence shows that she has moved on, that she is just fine without me and happy with her decision, that its all just a front, a mask. I pray that she needs me and wants me as she once did, that she is longing for me like I long for her. That she wishes she was safe in my arms and that she could Let down her guard and open up hear heart and soul, that she could come home to  me and bear all, Laugh, Cry..Love

God I miss her laugh.. I miss her smile.. her quarks..her eyes: So intense! they hold more emotion, pore passion, more fear, more hope, more strength and weakness than one person should be able to posses.. I miss the way she feels, the way she smells, the way she moves, the way she thinks.. I miss looking at her and seeing the mother of my children, I miss watching her stir a pot and thinking how I couldn't wait till we had our own kitchen. I miss watching her smile and wondering how I got so lucky. I miss holding her when she cried and almost feeling satisfied because I would never let anyone hurt her again... I miss my happy ending..
What I would give to know the story wasn't over.. I'm not asking for a fairytale, this was too real.. all I ask is that she still loves me, that she will show up at my door and tell me that fear drove her away but something stronger brought her back..and I'll finder her hair and touch her cheek, I'll hold her close and feel that intensity almost akin to pain as she presses into me like the very first time we met.. 
And I'l know we are both home.

.. If not, I would like to just here her voice..
Poodlelez Poodlelez 22-25, F 15 Responses May 15, 2011

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I feel as if I'm reading exactly what I'm feeling and thinking. I miss her very much and I wish she misses me and loves me, but I know she doesn't she's too proud. She will never say she was wrong about her decision, she was the only person I fell in love with and I couldn't keep her even though I gave her my all.

Reading this story makes me cry. i lost my girlfriend of 3 and a half years. she just stopped loving me and i miss her so much. everyones story makes me just feel like giving up on people i care about love and passion and doing everything it takes to make the relationship with that person you love work. but obviously people tend to not care about that anymore. theres only pain left in this world and i just am about to give up

Ya time will heal all wounds and make u see a better tomorrow. I gotta hold on to that so I don't sink into a dark place where I just miss my ex too much for my own good.



I am glad you found a new love. It gives me hope. :)

"Queen of moving"

I had one of those. I love everything about her, even the things that **** me off, I still love them. But it seems she couldn't care less. She said she still wants to be friends, but it seemed I was the only one putting an effort in. Now we have gone almost a week without talking outside of class (always me giving in to texting her.) But every night, I stay up till 1 or 2.. Just hoping that I might get a call like I used to.



One day about a month ago I finally got a call... but it was because she needed an answer to a stupid question that she was too lazy to find the answer herself... so it was a 2 minute conversation. It hurt. After we hung up I cried the rest of the night. I didn't go to sleep, I didn't go to class the next day either, I couldn't see her that soon. And now, I get so scared that one day, shes going to completely forget about me. When we no longer have classes together, its going to be as if she just died.



Worst part is, we broke up over a stupid argument. One that I will always regret. We made up over that argument, she said she forgave me... But she couldn't take me back because of her parents not accepting she was with a girl. So it hurts.. knowing that if it weren't for her parents, we would still be together... but then again, if that were true, how come shes moved on ?



I just wanted to share my story with you so you know that you aren't alone. There are others who go through similar stuff.

wow.so close to my story.my ex girlfriend was and is my one true desire.parts of what you wrote reminds me of her and I.she talks to me and texts.(on her terms).and even though i love to hear her voice.there is a distance in her voice that says she will not come back.what im saying is i do feel your pain .and the small times i get with her makes this worse.and yet i cannot let go.i wasadvised to find another.but i cannot open up.my ex is soo much a part of me,the wound still bleeds.we broke up last october and ive been living a hell.im glad you found somone to nurse your heart.maybe one day i will find that as well.

Reading this story was almost looking into my life, except I was the one who hurt him a couple times. We did talk for awhile even 'saw' each other but unfortunately being about 600 miles apart will distance you. I emailed him the other day after 5 years of not speaking to him to apologize for the things I did. So far no response :( .. I finally realized that he has the love of my life now it is to late I let him go. I would give anything just to speak with him.

love sucks, when you dont get it back, from the one you loved. I miss Christina all the time, but I dont want her back, because I cant trust her, she broke my heart, but I will always love her as a Child of God. pay attention to red flags...

It has been a year or so now since this story was posted. My wounds have been nursed by a new love, so much so that I can take in a deep breath and be happy that everything has turned out as it has.. But reading this story, and new comments, brings everything back... like one of my other stories states: You can move on but the love never dies.. So to everyone who this sorry might touch, I'll say this... I know your pain, I know it hurts, and the hurt may never completely go away, the scars will remain, but time and love can heal..Heng in there, though it may never look quite the same, the sum ill shine again... In the mean time know you are not alone <3

It has been a year or so now since this story was posted. My wounds have been nursed by a new love, so much so that I can take in a deep breath and be happy that everything has turned out as it has.. But reading this story, and new comments, brings everything back... like one of my other stories states: You can move on but the love never dies.. So to everyone who this sorry might touch, I'll say this... I know your pain, I know it hurts, and the hurt may never completely go away, the scars will remain, but time and love can heal..Heng in there, though it may never look quite the same, the sum ill shine again... In the mean time know you are not alone <3

I think you took the words out of my head. I miss her so much that I literally ache. But at the same time, I want nothing but her success -- even if it means my failure. I hope nothing but the best for her, and I selfishly want her to return to me ... it's exhausting holding in such conflicting emotions.



I wish you the best possible ending to your story.

your story was like my own...i do hope you're feeling better now, seeing that your post has been a couple of months back already...i on the other hand is on a pre-mature-one-week-moving on stage and i couldn't have described what i am feeling now better than you did...i miss my girl too...so much it hurts...we ended up peacefully although looking back i can't really pinpoint the exact reason why...and i know she's better, relieved and probably moving on better than i am...i just sometimes wish she'd take a u-turn and try picking me up to ride with her again...but i do know she won't...still it doesn't stop me from hoping :(

thank you. I'm glad time has healed your wounds, as I know it dose

I am so sorry. I feel your pain. Went through that with my ex. It has been 12 years and I still love him but now in a different way. I think I will always miss him but know I am much better off now. I wish you well.

Thank you both, so very much *hugs*

I'm sorry sweetie, I know that hurts:-(