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I Miss Him Everyday

in 2008 I fell out of love with my husband and got a divorce. I should have taken a break and let myself heal, but I met the most amazing man and fell head over heals. We jumped in quick and we had so much fun together. We didn't really fight but sometimes we would bicker like an old married couple, we laughed so much. There was so much passion in our sex life as well.

Because I had been so neglected in my marriage the first time I felt like I wasn't getting enough attention I panicked. And because I hadn't realized how damaged I was from my marriage I started to pull back in the relationship. I met someone new (I never cheated let's get that out up front). I started to talk to my boyfriend about polyamoury and he said that he didn't mind me seeing someone else as long as we followed rules about what was appropriate. after about 6 months of trying he said he couldn't do it because he was just too jealous. I didn't know what I wanted, so he broke up with me in 2010 and I continued to see the other person.

At least once a month, often times more, for the last two years I have had to lock myself in a room and cry because I miss him so much. I've been able to keep him as a friend but it's been very hard. Some how in the back of my mind I've always said to myself "we're just getting our individual problems worked out and we'll get back together". I know that's a silly thought but I've never stopped loving him. I'm single again and he's just started seeing someone new. We talked about how we still love each other.
The timing is off. I want to hope he will be happy in his new relationship.

2 years ago I made the worst mistake of my life. I've never stopped crying about it. I'm crying now. and I don't think I'll ever love anyone more than him.
insane000illusions insane000illusions 26-30, F 2 Responses Apr 26, 2012

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People don't understand how complicated that things get, They can post that they know, but we all go through different things Yours is just as unique and nobody will truly understand unless they have been there. My heart goes out to you, I hope you can get yourself together and function ok so that you can live as normal as possible.<br />
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Gonna keep an eye on ya!<br />
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I Hope it gets better, Don't cry. Things can change.

Thank you. I hope so too. For all of us.