He's In The Way Of Moving On
My ex husband is in the way of me ever loving any one else. When we were married I promised to God that if anything ever happened and we split apart, that I would become a nun and serve God only until I died. I divorced him... was having affairs online and finally in person I had an affair... During the marriage I lusted after another man. My husband and I were not having sex, and perhaps that made me want another man. I compared the man and my husband and saw so many things that I wanted my husband to be. He would not finish collage, he would not play his guitar, he would not talk to me about having children, he would not save money with me, he did not want me to continue on with school, he did not want to travel to Europe with me..... there were so many things I wanted to do with him that he did not want. So, I became angry and frustrated. I mistreated him all the time. I could not have a discussion with him with out showing my contempt. I would constantly interrupt him.......... OH GOD.... I WAS SO HORRIBLE TO HIM. I'm so sorry..... I want to fix the hurt and repair the damage... SO MUCH.... But... it's been twenty years. I've lusted and fallen in and out of love since... but it's all been fleeting and temporary. No one, not one person has been able to replace him. Deep in my heart I still feel married to him. Now, he has no clue about all this. I want to call to beg to plead that he give up his life with his woman of twenty years... ask him to start over where we left off. That's ******* ridiculous I know. That's what I want to do. Oh, God help me.... I want to love another person the way I loved him, and I want a family like we had. I'm with a man for ten years and I feel like my ex has been in the way the whole time.