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Sometimes.

Lately I've been thinking about my ex. It has been a little over a year since he broke up with me. We were together for three years until he realized that the love he used to have was gone. The love he felt was exhaustion and compassion, he no longer felt passion but "plain support..."

He was there when my mother left and left me alone with my sisters. At that time I was filled with anxiety and fear, how would I take of my sisters and still follow my goals? When I was diagnosed with depression, he was there, when I needed a hug, he was there, and when I needed someone to talk to...yeah you got it...he was there for me.

Towards the third year of our relationship he gave me a promise ring with a beautiful note folded neatly inside the box. The letter is long gone but I still remember the first line, "This ring is a symbol of my commitment to you and only you..." He presented all this at a lake, under the cool breeze and shade of a tree. I sat on his lap and smiled, overwhelmed with joy and optimism towards our future together.

Our happiness quickly ended when he had to move. My love was no longer with me but thousands of miles across the country and that is when our relationship changed.

He called less, we fought more, and meanwhile I held hope. He bought a ticket and I was going to see him in December, spend time with him and his family. I figured proximity would be the answer...we would get to cuddle, hug, kiss, slow dance, and whisper I love you's across the room. Instead, he pushed away whenever I would try to hug him or kiss him. If we were in a room together, he wouldn't talk or look me in the eyes. I didn't know what to do and I felt that his love was fading day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute....
So instead I cried every night and he didn't know.

The day I left, he kissed me and told me "I look forward towards our new year together. I feel this year will be different for us, it will be great - I am excited for us." A few days later, he called me, asking for space and within a day or two, our relationship was over. I wondered what I did wrong...perhaps I was naive, perhaps I should have tried harder, been kinder, loved him more but with time, as painful and slow as it may be, I healed. There are times, like now, when I do think of him and what we used to be. He was there for a bright, wonderful instant and just like that, he was gone.
birdsflyfree birdsflyfree 22-25, F Jan 30, 2013

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