What Did I Do?

We were together for three and a half years.  I still remember the first time that I saw him.  I was dating someone else at that time, but it was love at first sight.  We sat up with each other that night, talking, drinking and listening to cheesey 80s music, which we both love.  I broke up with my b/f at the time for him.  I knew he and I were meant to be together.  That night we slept together, neither of us ever thinking it was too soon or inappropriate.  5 months later we were living together.  Like every new couple, we thought that it was us against the world.  He made me feel like I was the only thing in the world that ever mattered to him, and I felt the same way about him.  I loved him more than I had every loved ANYONE in my entire life.  We talked about our future together, being married, travel.. it was perfect.  When it came time to move into our new place we were jubilant.  I still do not think I have been that excited about anything in my life.  The next three years would prove to be the best of my life.. until the day that he told me he did not want to have children - that they were not a priority in his life.  I was crushed, heartbroken and I knew that I could not continue down this road knowing that I could never have a child - something I had been waiting for since I was quite young.  It was October when I broke up with him.  It was a very amicable break up.  No hard feelings as we both knew that we couldn't give the other what they wanted.  He moved out in April, 6 months after the break up.  A lot of people found this strange, but for anyone who knew us, it made sense that we would still be friends and able to live together.

Now, 7 months later, he had moved out, and I am finally feeling the lonliness and regret of not having him with me.  Thoughts of him consume me, and I know now that I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life.  What man in the world could ever know me as he did, love me as he did, and comfort me as he did, not matter my MANY flaws.  He would help me with all my problems, never trying to solve them, but by listening and giving gentle encouragement.  He would drop ANYTHING he was doing to come to my side when I asked.  He supported me in ways I have never been supported by anyone.  He truley made me feel special.  He was not the average guy by anymeans.  He was truley the ultimate catch.  I dread the day that I see him with anyone else.   Now, I don't know how to tell him how I feel.  I still love my ex with all my heart.  I love him more than the first day that I saw him, if it is possible....

Chauna Chauna
26-30, F
5 Responses May 31, 2007

Break ups are devastating ,There's still a lot of decent men out there for definite,take your time try and focus on something else,in time there's a good chance of meeting a mr perfect again,just try and stay strong for the moment ,many couples have differences like you both have,just pans out that way sometimes unfortunately ,good luck for the future anyways.

I share this poem a lot, but I have never read it put so simply.<br />
<br />
You Fit Into Me<br />
<br />
You fit into me<br />
like a hook into an eye<br />
<br />
a fish hook<br />
an open eye <br />
<br />
by Margret Atwood

Hmm..sounds like you two were the BEST of friends...that's something that is truly one of a kind, especially since you two may still have the same feelings for one another. He may be missing you very much too...how old are the two of you? Perhaps he may change his mind later about children...many men do when they get older, whereas younger men have little tolerance or care for children in general. But, this may sound a bit far fetched...what if you had a child with him and were like a "single parent" and he was still living with you, but could keep his distance if he wanted to..eventually he may breakdown and fall in love with his own child. If he is your best friend, the greatest gift he could give you is your own child, and he's probably the only one you would want to have children with because you love and trust him. It's not abnormal for people to not want children...my husband had a vasectomy because he doesn't want any of his own, but is making a great effort to be a good step-father to my daughter. He's only 28, yet he's so sure he doesn't want his own, and I'm alright with that. He's my best friend. Some food for thought, although only you know what would work for you and your situation. As candlelyte said, don't get down on yourself for being true to yourself...that's the most important thing, because things will fall into place as they should if you are true to yourself. All the best....

indeed, i must wonder if the childbearing issue was the only reason for your breakup, or if there were other underlying issues that could not be resolved. the topic of children is one subject to change in many young couples, though certainly each is a unique case. i once thought i never wanted children but now i can scarcely wait to have a child of my own. it is possible that things could change in this regard, but it would involve massive effort on both your parts. from your description it seems that both of you were willing to compromise for one another, so it must have been a very difficult decision to arrive at separation. this clearly indicates the issue was of great importance to both of you, so you must not reproach yourself for being true to yourself. give yourself time... and i wish you the very best.

Can't help but think that maybe there was a way you could have still kept your relationship. After a breakup I know thats hard to hear and probably not what you want to hear...but hey...being honest (even if not logical or realistic). If everything was great and it was just the childbearing issue...why not entertain the idea that maybe it was just not the right time for him? If he was honest about his feelings for you then maybe in the future it would be a bigger possibility? To your defense...and if he is a complete ***...maybe he was using that as a way to push you to the edge...a breakup. And if so he should at least have the balls to tell you that he just didnt want to continue. Dont know how much help my comment is but ANY relationship of your magnitude deserves closure and honesty. Best of luck