I Know It's For the Best, However.....

We met when I was 20 and he was 29. We were good friends almost right away and always very flirtatious with each other. I found myself thinking of him often when not around him. One night he invited me and some friends over to watch a movie at his house. Halfway through the movie I slid my legs into his lap and he clasped my ankle as if we had been sitting on the couch together for years and we both knew something wonderful was happening. It was less than a week later we shared our first kiss and things moved even quickly after that.

Over the next 6 years we shared an intense, loving, and erotic connection. We moved in together after a year of dating. We hardly ever fought, the sex was consistently mind blowing, and we both shared a passion for reading and watching old movies. The only problem was that we were never on the same page. Early on in the relationship he started talking about marriage and children but at 20-21 I was not even considering taking such steps. Later on when I was ready to approach the subject he no longer felt like he wanted either of those things. A few years into the relationship we both knew that we no longer wanted the same things out of life but we kept clinging to each other. Neither of us had found someone with whom they shared the same connection, and I guess we kept waiting for the other to change their mind. Eventually we began doing the whole break-up get-back-together thing.

Last time I saw him was almost exactly a year ago. We were in the midst of the second week of our third attempt to get back together. He promised to meet me at a party where I hardly knew anyone and then he never showed. I spent a humiliating evening waiting and then had to drive an hour home. I didn't cry though and I haven't cried about him in a year. 

The thing is I think about him every day. I miss his company. I miss his laugh. I have not contacted him nor heard from him and this is for the best. I know it is for the best. But I still dream about him. I am unhappy without him. I try to date other people but they don't even compare. It's like he is in orbit around me, always hovering in my peripherial vision. Maybe I'm crazy, or obssesive, but it's not like I have single memento of him anywhere in my house. I'll just see something and think "___ would like that." And then my lips remember his kiss and my hands remember his hands and I'm lost again. Missing him.

amandapm27 amandapm27
26-30, F
2 Responses Mar 31, 2009

you have to be careful that you two do not fall into the comfortable circle and rekindling things. If it was meant to be, it would have been. I have a girl friend who held out for what she thought was her perfect mate, who strung her along through two marriages and after the second told her straight out to get it out of her mind because he is not in to her that way. She is now 42 and lost and confused because the man she was sure was her soul mate FINALLY quit stringing her along. Now she is wondering where her life went. Don't let this happen to you. Quit comparing others against this relationship, because each relationship has some good and some bad and it is the average that causes you to hang in there or leave. Good sex can be taught! Best wishes!

love seems like this, so many times. IT's like you get so close to it then it slips through your hands and spend time regretting what could have, should have, might have been.<br />
even if you get the love you've long-waited for, it seems it isn't what you pictured and fantasized about waiting for, for so long...................