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I'm Married But I'll Never Forget My First Love.

The fact i came across this website tells me that i'll never forget him! I googled 'i still think about my first love' & this came up. I've been reading through peoples stories to find that mine isn't that uncommon anyway.

I was with a guy on & off for about 18 months. We met on a relationship website. I was 23 & he was 29 when we met. I liked him instantly. Things took off & i fell in love with him pretty quickly. I'd had relationships before but i'd never properly been in love so these feelings were a first for me. After the initial honeymoon phase started to cool off, complications started to surface & it didn't take long for me to figure out that he was still missing his ex girlfriend. I tried to help him move on but it just didn't work & after about 3 months together i started to feel him distancing himself from me. I asked him what was wrong & he said he wanted to speak with me about it so arranged to come over to my house that weekend. We went out for lunch & he broke up with me for various reasons. I was so upset.

It wasn't exactly a clean break though. He texted me about a week later & that started the contact between us again. We kept calling, texting & seeing eachother which to me felt right because i wanted him so much. Until one night when i was at his house, he told me about a couple of other girls he'd hooked up with since breaking up with me..just whilst out with mates & in clubs. That was a big realisation point for me..i knew i had to move on.

So i left his house & we didn't speak for 10 days. I spent time with friends, family, enrolled in a massage course & pampered myself. I was starting to feel better. Then one night i got home from work to find 44 red roses (one for each day since he'd broken up with me) & a lovely card asking for me to give him another chance. The roses were amazing & the card was very thoughtful. The 2nd chance at our relationship didn't last though. I couldn't trust him again & all he seemed to ever want to do was go out to sleazy clubs with his mates. He had a group of mates who i always thought he was much better than. He had an education & things going for him. His friends didn't have much going for them & were extremely sleazy. 

He broke up with me again but again it wasn't a clean break as i felt so attached to him & we still kept texting & calling eachother. I remember at the time thinking i'd do absolutely anything to make this man happy. Then a big cycle of seeing eachother then not seeing eachother started. It went on for about another year. My family were all concerned because i was loosing weight & becoming withdrawn & he was Muslim & my friends were constantly telling me i could do better. I still loved him though & at the time was willing to do anything for us. In the end, i couldn't handle the emotional rollercoaster anymore & i was nearly 25 & just wanted to get on with my life to find a man who could give back what i was willing to give. So i booked a one-way flight to the other side of the world, packed up & left. 

I got into the dating scene pretty fast & I met some amazing men who made me see beyond my ex. Then 6 months in, i met my husband & my whole world changed. He lifted me back up out of the gutter. He's my angel & taught me to love again when i didn't think i'd ever be able to. We married in February this year (2010). He treats me like a princess, he's absolutely gorgeous & i'm so happy. I love him just as much as i loved my ex but i do believe that nobody ever forgets their first love. The ship set sail with my first love a long time ago & i wouldn't trade anything for my husband but i know i'll never forget my first. I hope he's happy & it makes me happy to think about the love i had for him. The last i heard, he'd gone on to marry. I'm happy for him.

My wonderful husband is the only man i want to share my life with.

If you have a broken heart, time heals all wounds & there is love out there which you will find again one day.
offwiththefaries offwiththefaries 31-35, F May 25, 2010

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