It's Been Almost 2 Years Now...

It's been almost 2 years since my granny died, and it still hurts as much as it did the day it happened.  I feel like I lost one of my children.  She was the best woman I've ever met, always there for me, never judging.  I fought with God for a long time, mad at Him for taking her away without letting me talk to her first.  Then I struggled with the fact of wondering if she suffered or not.  The doctor said she didn't, but I couldn't tell.  We got called to granny's house with the ambulance because she was "sick".  When I got there, she was leaning over the bed, throwing up in a trash can.  We called her name, she said "What?", laid down, and never woke up again.  We rushed her emergency traffic to the hospital.  After a CAT scan, the doctor came in and said she had bleeding on the brain, possibly a hemhorragic stroke or aneurism and they couldn't fix it.  He said she would die soon.  He said she could hear us, but could not respond, and that he had given her medication so she wouldn't hurt.  But how do I know?  The family all kissed her good-bye, and my mom and I held her hand until she stopped breathing.  She held on with white knuckles until that last breath, and then she slowly released her grip.  She didn't look to be in pain, but if she could hear us, how do I know she couldn't feel what was going on?  My heart breaks constantly when I think of her and how much I miss her....But I know she's happy now, and doesn't hurt anymore.

kelly816 kelly816
31-35, F
3 Responses Feb 23, 2010

My Kindest Friend,<br />
Your Granny knew you were there, how you felt, and still feel and mostly how much you love her. Remember "Message In A Bottle" when the dying woman's last letter to "All the ships at sea, and all the ports of call, that no matter what kind of storm that blows, or even a little death can tear this house down," because it was built with love that not many find. That is the love between Grannies and their Chippies. Strong, loving, never wavering, and always there. Don't worry my friend...she is with you.

thank you...

I am sorry for you loss