Mixed FeelingsSometimes I feel sorry for myself again when I think about the lot that hurt me bad in the past;
But that just is self-punishment and masochistic tendencies to not take control; to feel great to surrender to self-misery;
Yes sometimes I think I just use them enemies and demons of the past to escape from a better me;
To avoid strength; to fall into self-pitying phases of feeling sorry for myself.
But that is wrong...
Because that is what they used to make me feel;
What they wanted to make me feel;
How they wanted to see me;
How they wanted me to be miserable under the spell of their corrupt will.
And that spell is all but an illusion when I have a choice to be...
The person who they do not want me to be;
But the person who I want to be instead;
A better; happier; stronger; balanced and healthier me!!!!
A me they fear to ever see for then they would know they lost!!!!!
indigowitch 22-25, F 2 May 31, 2012