Mixed Feelings

Sometimes I feel sorry for myself again when I think about the lot that hurt me bad in the past;

But that just is self-punishment and masochistic tendencies to not take control; to feel great to surrender to self-misery;

Yes sometimes I think I just use them enemies and demons of the past to escape from a better me;

To avoid strength; to fall into self-pitying phases of feeling sorry for myself.


But that is wrong...

Because that is what they used to make me feel;

What they wanted to make me feel;

How they wanted to see me;

How they wanted me to be miserable under the spell of their corrupt will.



And that spell is all but an illusion when I have a choice to be...

Someone else;

The person who they do not want me to be;

But the person who I want to be instead;

A better; happier; stronger; balanced and healthier me!!!!

A me they fear to ever see for then they would know they lost!!!!!