Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Anytime, But Now...

In any other time period, we would have needed up together. If it was post 1961 in Berlin we would have got married and had an apartment together and fallen in love. If it was the apocalypse we'd be hand in hand. If it were any other time, but here and now, we'd be together, I know it.
We have the strangest relationship. We liked each other for two years until either one of us actually said it. We said it at the same time, we both blubbered to our friends and tried to figure out if we should date or not. It was only after the hype died down and nothing had happened that we found ourselves in a vehicle together. I asked him why we danced around each other for so long and yet nothing happened. He said he respected our friendship too much to jeopardize it with an intimate relationship. I told him I was just too much of a coward to ask him flat out. So that settled it, that he didn't want to be with me at that time. We continued to be friends, with less flirtation. Then when school ended and we were moving into University, we simply faded out. I decided I hated his guts, I never wanted to see him again because he played me.
But a year passed of not seeing each other at all and he called me saying he missed me, was thinking of me, and wanted to meet with me. We ended up spending the whole day together and everything seemed fine. A pattern continued of not seeing each other for a month, then spending a day, absent month, spending a day, etc. Then he started attending the same university part time and we'd see each other more and more often. We spent an entire day together again and went exploring at an art gallery. We pointed out our favourite painting and why they were our favourite. We walked around a mall for hours and talked about our future hopes and plans, our dreams. By the end of the night we mutually agreed we were pretty much soul mates. I reminded him of his silly pact in high school that if we weren't involved by age 40 we'd get together. He said he still holds to it. After that, we didn't see each other for months again.
I don't know what it is, but sometimes I just hate his guts, but more than that I still love every bit of him. I love his crazy personality that some people can't handle and I love everything that screams we should be together. But I hate that we aren't. He's almost everything I ever imagine myself wanting, but we're in the same position again where neither of us does anything. I'm scared he feels polar opposite of what I feel, or that he won't think of me in that way. I'm scared to ask. I'm scared he won't want to see me ever again. And I think he's changing faster than I can keep up with...
I still think about him on and off. I still think we're soul mates, but I know he won't want me now. I always think maybe in five years we'll see each other again and maybe then the time will be right...
Maybe I just want someone to want me as much as I want them...
Kriegerin Kriegerin 18-21, F 1 Response Feb 9, 2013

Your Response

Cancel

Sorry, I think that like the book, He just isn't that into you. Sad for you. If you could get him into bed you Might Might, get him to change his mind. At least you would have the memory.
My wife and I were kind of like that. Then we slept together and she was hooked. It's been good ever since.