First Love.

I was a young teen when i first found love. He was 2-3years older then i, and MUCH more experienced. he was that guy who i thought was so cute, and would "accidently bump into".  I only had one boyfriend before, never kissed anyone, and was very sweet and shy, mature, but not enough. This boy had problems, major problems in his life. He was window to seeing how the world really was, sex, drugs, and suicidal thoughts. I couldnt believe it. Our first phone call he told me everything, and ended the call with crying and hung up, i couldnt leave it at that. He stole my first kiss and nothing happened for a month or two, i was already in love. i know it sounds ridiculous, but we did have much more than most people our age. We were serious. He finally decided that it'd be okay to let me in his life. We dated for 3 months, but i fell for him 2-3 months before that, i was head-over-heals! the phone calls made my nights, but the things he said sometimes, killed me. I nearly tore my arm up. He told me he loved me, i tried believing him. I believed. Near the end of our relationship, when things got way too far, he started getting distant, he'd do drugs, and blame me he said he never loved me. i dumped him, saying he'd be better off and that this was what he obviously wanted/needed. we stil talked on the phone everynight, he said he did love me, i couldnt take it. one month later, he said he found someone else. i cried and cried. i was depressed. as months went on, and he had more and more gfs, i couldnt stop thinking about him. he WAS and still is my dream guy. No one thought he was at all perfect but i. a year and half passed, same with boys, and yet i still couldnt not stop thinking bout him. i think, what if i really tried? what if i actually fought my fullest, said how i really felt more? could i have kept him? could i have changed it? we stopped talkin, every very LONG once and a while, we'd talk for very little, he told me his secrets, i cherished them. i AM over him, i have been, but i still wonder. last night i had a dream, he had his new hair cut, and he was holding me, the old me, in his arms, and we were walking, i was starring in his eyes, and he was starring back at mine, we were so happy, i loved lookin at his perfect features, i was on top of the world. but then i woke up, thinking of the new him, how badly he has changed, how i had him at his best&last and nothing will change that. I feel like we never had closure and whenever i think of tht dream, or see his face/name, i get chills. Any opinions?

sceneofsilence sceneofsilence
13-15, F
Mar 9, 2010