He Still Makes Me Smile

Ok we all, well most of us, learn from our mistakes and then go on. The hardest lesson I learned is"never give up on your first love" The first mistake was letting my first husband become my ex-husband. The second was marring my future ex-husband.
I want to get this right and it hurts to think about. I let go of a REAL man who truley wanted to try and make things work,was willing to do as I requested, change for me-I was such a fool to let my best friend walk away from me.
It has been twelve years since we split and I still think of him on a daily basis. I can close my eyes and think of him and a clearer picture in mind could not be taken. His blue eyes still my heart. I can think of him and l smell his sent on me. He was and still is the light of my life. We are still very close friends. We had two children together and still talk on occasssion concerning our boys and thier lives. Little about us. Just the uasual talk between friends/parents and exs'
I want to tell him so bad that I miss him with every fiber of me. I feel his warmth around me at night, I need to. I finally admitt the second marriage was only done to hurt my ex for having a child with someone else. I made the choice to let him go and I have to live with that pain. I live with his love, even after all this time. I dare to think of my life with out him in it. I do not interfer with his marriage and I never would. I called to tell him I was getting a divorce, all he said was your a great person and you will find happiness I wanted to scream"I DID AND IT WAS YOU"Instead  I said good night~and quitley whispered to myself  "I love you still"       I love my x2b I always will. I think the two of us could have made it work. He  allowed too many insecurities and lies come b4 us and that is harder to accept than if he had stopped loving me.

tmmarion tmmarion
41-45, F
6 Responses Aug 16, 2010

lol..he is a friend, are you?

do you really think of mountianman that much

Well three times is going to be hard to do..the second one broke me hard. I took several mental explosive hits. I am thinking of a quite walk in the gardens of England..anyone care to join??lol

3rd time lucky?.

Same experience, no children with the ex. But children with the new hub. It's been 4 years.

Truth again~~I missed out on alot because of other outside influences.... NEVER AGAIN