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I Hate This

I always say that I never liked him but, if I'm going to be completely honest with myself, I think I may have liked him a little. Or maybe I just liked the idea that someone as attractive as him wanted me.
So, we hooked up twice. The first time he initiated it, and the second time, about a month later, I did. The plan was for me to just have someone to be able to text whenever I wanted so that I could hook up with him. And I figured, after that second time, that that was what he wanted too. But, I texted him again and he never texted me back. I was upset. To me, that is extremely rude. He basically pretended as if I never texted him. After that I saw him in passing and he acted as if he didn't do anything wrong. And, of course, he had no obligation to me because we weren't together, but that's really rude. So, we spoke, and still he didn't think it was a big deal.
I explained to him the kind of arrangement I wanted (purely physical, but consistent so that it happens often), and he figured it was just going to be something sporadic. He told me that he liked someone and that he wanted to pursue that. I offered him a sexual relationship with no strings attached and he turned it down. That made me feel really bad about myself, and now I feel like now he thinks I'm crazy because I wanted more than he did, and he's probably out spreading that to all of his friends, so whenever I see him it kind of hurts. I pretend not to care and I'm really trying not to care but the whole thing just makes me feel like such a loser. And now he has a girlfriend (which at first made me feel a little better because his reasoning about liking someone was real and not just an excuse), but whenever I see them together it makes me feel like even more of a loser. I don't know why I still think about it. Every time I think about it I actually feel a physical pain. It really sucks because he didn't even mean anything to me. It wasn't supposed to be a big deal, but now I feel like it's torturing me.
CrackTheCode CrackTheCode 18-21, F Jun 25, 2012

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