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Why Should I When He Doesn't?

I like this guy that I work with. I'm 19 and a sophomore in college; I turn 20 in November. He just turned 23 in June and is about to graduate college. I've had a crush on him for 6 months now, and finally told him so over a text ( I totally wimped out on telling him in person). When he didn't respond for four days, even though I worked with him once during that period, I thought he considered me/our friendship/my feelings so insignificant that he didn't even need to bother responding to me.

Well, I finally asked him why(I lost the battle with myself to not ask him why he never responded--I sent him a message over facebook, therefore wimping out again on the whole face-to-face thing) and he told me that he thought it better if we talked about it face to face or over the phone. Fabulous. So I agreed (with my heart in my throat, mind you) and he called me. As soon as I answered, he told me that he was sorry for not responding sooner, and that he hadn't meant to leave me without an answer for that long. He said he'd started to text back but that that hadn't seemed sufficient. He also told me that he didn't want to say anything that might ruin our friendship; he thought I was awesome and a really good friend. In the end, he told me "I don't know if--I mean, I don't think I'm on the same level of..um...feelings as you are."

I told him I understood and that I wasn't one of those girls that pursues a guy even though her feelings aren't returned, and that it hurt more when I thought he didn't think me worth replying to than him saying no, and he apologized again. So in the end, he doesn't like me the way I like him.

The thing I hate, though, is that I still like him and do all the things I did BEFORE I told him I liked him, like sneaking glances at him and thinking about him. I really want to clone myself just so I have the satisfaction of being the one to smack myself, but I can't stop thinking about him that way. I'm trying to think of him as just a friend, but so far the only thing I'm succeeding at is playing it off like I can totally treat him as a friend in front of him and everyone else I work with.

So I guess what I'm asking is, why am I torturing myself by thinking of him in a way that he clearly doesn't think of me?
joynaye joynaye 18-21, F 2 Responses Sep 10, 2012

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Why am I torturing myself by thinking of him in a way that he clearly doesn't think of me? Its been a while since u posted this so hopefully u have moved on. Im much older and than u believe it or not Im experiencing that situation now. Im not crushing on this dude Im in love and he could care less and Ive done everything to get over him I prayed, had sex with somebody else, deleted his number but the feelings are still there Im sure in time my feelings for him will desist. But right now its torture and I cant stop thinking of him. Im saying all that to say it happens, I dont have a reason as to why but I do know nothing last forever

Thank you for sharing, Ayygee. Yes, I have moved on, and I'm actually dating my first boyfriend again (long story short, we broke up, I dated someone else for five months, broke up with him, been single ever since until now), and I'm happily in love with him. I am sorry to hear that you're in this position right now. :( It completely and totally sucks the most suck that has ever sucked. Ever. The worst part about it is that they don't care about you at all, and you care so much. I don't think having sex with someone else is the answer, because if you can't get his attention normally, he won't give it to you over that. Besides, you're worth WAY more than just casual sex, so don't put yourself there. :) I hope it gets better for you; actually, I hope you move on and find someone new to fall in love with that loves you and treats you the way you need to be treated. I wish you the best of luck, and let me know how it goes, okay?

Its just amazing what we put ourselves through, no? But I have to give it to you, you have the guts to tell him.....Sorry for the result, but you should be proud that you took that step. I am crushing on someone at work last 8 months and its only creating hurricanes inside me....but don't have the guts to tell her. Hang in there....(I know, its easier said than done)..... take care

Thank you, crush4825. My advice is to tell her. When is up to you. The worst she can do is say no. It hurts, but at least then you know.