Four Years.

After four years of not cutting, I still think about it often. Not every day as I once had, but still often. As with any addiction, the temptation doggedly resurfaces after all this time.
I have moved on. My life isn't stable, but I'm more capable of dealing with it now. I've started talking to people. I'm doing a study abroad term and have even gone to public baths. People... don't stare like I thought they would. They are either too polite to mention the crosshatching of scars, or they haven't noticed. It's not as big of a deal to others. In the perspective of the world, my problems aren't big. So I slowly make them smaller to myself. Four years... it's still hard, I have vivid flashbacks... but I become stronger every time I deny picking up a razor, or going to another form of self-mutilation.
A happy life doesn't equal the end of addiction, there are still problems in perfect situations. We just have to become strong enough to say 'no' once. And then maybe to say it again the next time. One day I found that I had been saying 'no' for four years. :)

selio selio
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 7, 2010

Thank you. Thank you for moving on and for writing about your experience. I've been struggling with giving up cutting as well; I've made some progress, but I was recently getting really discouraged about making it in the long-term. It's so reassuring to know that it's possible. Really; thank you.