Cut Off

I first cut myself with a pocketknife when I was 11. 

I kept cutting through all the therapy and medication on and off for 7 years. I'm now almost 19 and hopefully past it forever. 

My worst episodes were on my thighs, which stopped me from wearing shorts or bathing suits for a couple years. I slashed myself with razor blades pried out of disposable shavers a total of roughly 100 times. 

But, as the years went by and the people that once loved me were no longer there, and the person inside me was no longer there, I grew to find other ways to cope. Not even fully on purpose, I was just sad from hiding my body and my secrets. 

I have not cut myself since Spring 2009, and even then it was in  fit of rage unleashed above my inner ankle to show my boyfriend at the time what it felt like to see someone cut themselves because he had started. 

Thankfully, I removed him from my life when things started to drag me down. NEVER, let yourself be dragged down by someone else. I still get thoughts of cutting when a situation makes me feel helpless, but I trick myself into waiting and it goes away. 

jmulls jmulls
18-21, F
Feb 8, 2010