30 Days Sober!

I am 30 days sober today and I have never felt better.

I have never been good at drinking, but I enjoyed it immensely. The truth is, I know that nothing good ever happened after even just three beers. If I could have only stopped there!! I envy people who can. I have tried to moderate and sometimes I am successful at it. But then after as many as 6 months or more of successful moderation, I slip up and really blackout, hurting those that I am close to, and embarrassing the crap out of myself! I cannot handle the guilt I feel when this happens. And I am truly sick of the cycle!

The drinking had been escalating as of late and I was literally like another anger, mean-tempered personality with an unseen force driving him, slamming hard booze as fast as possible until the lights went out. But it didn't end there. I would stumble about, being belligerent, hostile, sometimes funny but mostly rude I suspect, and do and say things I could barely even imagine when sober. The last such experience lead me to pass out on the roadside where no friends or family could find me. It was below freezing out and I very nearly could have died.

How could an otherwise responsible father, friend, spouse, son, and brother behave like that?! The dreaded demon disease called Alcoholism, that's how. I am sick with it and will never be cured. It will never go away, but I know I will be free of all of the effects named above and many worse outcomes and situations if I never pick up another drink again.

Fortunately this last event has changed my thought process and I am relieved and happy I quit drinking. I no longer feel as though I am missing something. Rather, I am gaining everything by not drinking.

I am glad I made the choice to no longer let alcohol control me. There is no more cycle, no more lost memories, or guilty feelings about what I said to whom in my arrogant-******* state.

Thanks for listening. I know time flies but I am looking forward to counting the sober months and years. The positives of life without alcohol stack up quick. One day you will wonder why you ever put yourself through so much misery for so long when quitting can be this good.
sober79 sober79
46-50, M
2 Responses Jan 14, 2013

Hi there. Sure we can be friends. I can used all the support in this I can get. :) I am currently 67 days sober. Things are going well during regular routine life, however I am on vacation with my family at a ski resort in Vermont. We have a beautiful condo (rented) and full days of skiing used to be followed by a few frosty beers, which were always delicious! And rarely resulted in blackouts. Those are the beers I miss most, but it isn't a gnawing urge, which I am thankful for. It is a feeling that something is missing, but I can do without it. It will be hard when we get together with another family we know up here and the guys are having beers. I will have an O'Doul's an that will be about it.

I can't relapse....like any of us can I know, but it will probably mean that I chose booze over my family because Im on a on a last chance basis with them, sort of. The kids are too young to know but in these 67 days they have noticed that I no longer drink. It is a non issue with them which I am thankful for. My wife on the other hand is fully aware of what can happen when I drink. Neither she or I ever want to live through that again.

I do not miss the guilt or the hangovers. But what I miss least is the GUILT about what I said or did during a blackout! Such a loser, so embarassing for her and me. Anyway those days are gone :) and just have to deal with some uncomfortable moments being sober until I become more used to it and how to deal with stress in a new way other than numbing it with booze.

DO tell me about yourself a little so I can relate / understand where you come from with your plight with booze. I will check out your stories too. Talk to you later....write soon. I take real motivation and inspiration from the stories/issues of others. We can help eachother!

Thanks for your story. I am also 30+ days sober. I recently relapsed and the suffering I endured was immense. I can't go through this again. Thanks I hope we can be friends.