I Stopped Someone Else's Suicide Attempt
My boyfriend is back in depression again, after 3 good weeks, I hoped it would be over. He left the mental hospital. But I was wrong, he as not yet solved the problem. The only problem is not the job. He just fears any sort of changes...
He is again talking of suicide, he tried to lock me in my room and wanted to take all the meds in the meantime. But I was stronger....
But can I force him to live? Does this make sense? He says I am the only cause who he wants to live for. But I do not want to be so important, what can I do? I can not leave him, I am the only he has.... except his parents....
And yes I look for my self, I go out with friend and I try to enjoy life. Everyday, and I do, oftem I am happy. But will this circle ever end?
Yes I know I am good and sometimes I admire myself. That I am still there for him.
And there are happy days, there are a lot of happy days. Since January he is 3 weeks ok, and 1 week he does not want to live anymore. I have now seen this circle about 7 times. And as you see, there are more good days than sad days, 3 is more 1....
But what does it help?
But he feels so guilty that he destroies my life. And I can not even say that this is not true. I mean I do. But I am not sure If I believe this.
Do I really want this life? Do I need to be so good? What does it help if I admire my self for it. I know I give my best, but what is it good for??
Is this all worth it?
