I Should Have Known Better...

When I was 4 years old a boy that was 14 touched me and licked around my nipples...I didn't remember this until I was 18 years old, I had blocked it out, I had a flashback when I was having sex for the first time...That really messed me up, I started smoking weed. I just wanted to forget. I didn't even tell my mother until I was 23. I used boys for sex because I was trying to get my revenge...I feel like my innocence was stolen. So I decided to try to get my power back, by using men for sex. It me feel powerful in the moment. But later I wondered why I did that. I didn't care about me or anyone else. I was diagnosed when I was 24 I think...I made me feel unworthy and unlovable. Every time I have symptoms I feel like I want to crawl into a big black hole until the symptoms are gone. I am thankful for sites like this because it lets me and everyone else that has this issue feel like we are not alone!! I have gone to counseling for my sexual abuse...It has helped. Just remember we are not horrible people, we are not unlovable and we are not alone!!
Takengirl779 Takengirl779
26-30, F
Jan 18, 2013