Been Through It Too...

My mom and sister both died not too long ago from drug and alcohol addictions. My father, whom I'm estranged from, is in prison for drug trafficking. The only father figure I had, my grandpa, died of cancer when I was 15. My mom neglected and abandoned me, leaving me to grow up with my grandparents but taking my sister. I was in a physically abusive relationship for 10 years, from the age of 15-25. I'm in a marriage with a **** addict. I have postpartum depression. I have no family BUT my husband, who basically walks all over me.  I worry about EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. I hate it. I keep switching psychiatric drugs in hopes to get some sort of relief and peace when I sleep but all I have is nightmares of my dead mother. I'm sick of the stress. I really am. It's going to kill me.
aka746 aka746
26-30, F
8 Responses Feb 22, 2007

I'm sorry for what you are going through. And can't imagine how hard it is to deal with. I was in a verbally abusive household during my teen years after my parents split. (My mom had the heart to marry a man who was a drug addict and verbally abusive, and really saw past all his issues)...that mistake cost her her house, her job, and her relationship with my brother. I found going to church and making friendships for people who are supportive helped me get through it. Hope things get better for you.

i am so sorry for ur loss. that is horrible

Okies that's bad. It sounds like your husbands the last type of person you need in your life... I really hope things get better for you and that you end up being happy. :)

diggersstory is right, heart matters do get the full attention of the universe. realize that YOU need to matter the most, your happiness, your well being, and eliminate all things that dont make you feel good, happiness will grow from loving yourself. i also learned the hard way that no ones gonna look out for you but you...and we only see the world we create for ourselves. only you have the power to make yours lovely :)

I have one good friend who is like my other half and gives me tons of good advice. I need to learn to LISTEN to it!

I can relate to this and found people telling me to get out of my abusive relationships. But there are so many bad programs in my mind that whatever I chose came out with losers. Until it got so bad that I was forced to get out and craved with all my heart BIG CHANGES. Hmmmm my life has changed and it wasn't easy but wow it was worth it! People can tell you all the best things to do that are really good for you. Everything friends told me is true because I am living how they suggested but getting there doesn't take the snap of the fingers and poof everything is lucky charms. I would do it all over in a heart beat because now I know it can be done and where the changes need to take place. First it's in the heart ...heart matters always get full attention of the universe. Booooooooya. It sure took awhile for me to get that one!

Thanks. I figure that which does not kill me will only make me stronger, right? lol <br />
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Thanks for the comments. I hope it does get easier. Maybe my luck will change and I'll hit the lotto one day :)

Sorry you had to go through so much. Your husband doesn't sound so good. Sorry! I hope things get better for you and that the nightmares stop. It will probably take time but with help you will be fine. Hang in there.