I Stay Up Way to Late

It's not like I'm particularly productive at night, especially as late as I stay up. And it's not like I like trying to sleep when it's light outside (I don't). I feel crappy when I go to bed at 2, 3, 4, or 5am. I feel bad when I'm heading for bed at that hour, and I feel embarrassed, guilty, pathetic, when I wake up at 11, 12, or 1pm. I feel like I'm awake when I'm least capable of doing anything worthwhile, meaningful, and goal oriented, and asleep when I'd be most capable of doing things that would be good for me...things like going to the gym, writing, studying. Take right now, for instance, it's nearly 4am. I'm up, not really alert, just alert enough to write this entry here. I'm yawning, and I already feel like **** for not getting my butt in bed hours and hours ago.

Why didn't I go to bed earlier? Why do I, night after night, stay up so late? I mean, it'd make sense and be one thing if I were wide awake and alert and productive at night, but I'm not. Part of the problem is that I'm not tremendously sleepy so I don't feel particularly forced to go seeking my bed, but neither am I particularly awake where I can make the best of being up. I'm awake, but not fully alert. It's almost like part of my brain has gone to sleep--or been put in standby--while the rest of it keeps me sitting up, typing, and yawning.

I know the feelings that other people have before they go to sleep. They feel overwhelmingly tired, like if they don't find their bed very, very soon, they'll faint onto the floor and just sleep there. Yes, I know that feeling. I've had it, but very rarely.

Most nights I have to force myself to go to bed whenever I do get into bed. Like now: I'll be forcing myself to go to sleep here in a few minutes--not because I can't keep my eyes open any longer, but because I know I need to get some sleep before I work tomorrow.

Ideally, I'd like to be in bed at the latest by midnight. Then I'd like to be up by 8 or 9am. I'd like to fit a workout in most mornings, have a leisurely breakfast, pack a lunch, and do some writing. Instead I stay up late, at most browsing the internet, and then get up late (often barely having time for breakfast and almost never having time to pack a lunch). It sucks.

I'm not certain why I do this. All I know is that it irritates the **** out of me.

My sleep isn't even good sleeping the hours that I do sleep. I always feel just a tad bit groggy, and never like I'm running at a 100%. On the rare occasions that I've gone to bed earlier, I've felt much better--both emotionally and physically. So why do I persist in doing something which I don't feel good about in any way?
liferiot liferiot
26-30, M
5 Responses May 18, 2007

It's over a year since you shared this story. Have your bed time habits improved? 'Cause I have the exact same experience, sans the poor sleeping. I always sleep good, I love sleep, I just hate the idea of going to bed when I have the house all to myself....bliss!

If you are up now at 11:35 PM pacific time, GO TO BED!<br />
<br />

Hi Know the feeling I ve been up as late as 3 or 4 as I just cant get to sleep if I go to bed. I try to not think of anything but that doesnt work I end up watching the hours go by on the clock and when ~I just feel I could go to sleep its time to get up. I feel my head is in a whirl with all sorts of things that are going on in my life and most of them I dont want to think about. Sorry I have nt got any answers can only sympathise as I m the same so your not alone. Hope to hear from you take care paula

Hey. Well, It`s 6am for me, and here i am, wasting away my time, or so my sleep-hungry brain would have me believe.<br />
Thanks for posting your anti-sleep rant; somehow, i feel better knowing i`m not the only one pushing the limits. and they`re not very good limits to push, when they take so much from us. But what if i stay up all night in the name of `research`? I stumbled on in here for the first time about an hour ago, and now i cant leave. Stupid internet...<br />
<br />

And I'm reading your comment at 2am--with no pressing need to stay awake; sure, there's the dishes I need to do, the laundry I need to put away, the shower I need to take, the website I need to finish programming, the script I need to finish writing... but most of that isn't mission critical. I guess that's what happens though. For me, I stay up late feeling like there's lots of stuff I need to do, but then I end up doing nothing about any of the stuff. Not good. REeeeeeally frustrating. I'm gonna knock out the dishes and laundry and shower and get my butt into bed.