Window.

i struggle very much with this. i find it easier to look someone in the eye when they talk to me (although not always), but i really struggle to look someone in the eye as a convincing adult when i start to talk. i guess what they say about the eyes being the windows to the soul is true, because i feel exposed this way. and by looking away i get to safeguard my soul from uninvited intruders. even though i know that my soul is the purest, sincerest, prettiest, and most loving part of me. wouldn't i want people who always judge me or misinterpret me to see that? in my culture (whatever that means) it's considered rude to look your elders in the eye which kinda protects me from looking like i am hiding something everytime i have a conversation with an elder. but that hasn't really helped given that i was raised in a predominantly western context. and i dont actually spend a lot of time with elders...in my profession i struggle with it too. as a training therapist i couldn't look my clients in the eye 100% of the time either. sadly, that was never explored in my supervision. i'm trying to explore it now. it's part fear. part insecurity. part worthlessness. part anxiety. part shame. part etc. etc. etc.
TheRealMimi TheRealMimi
31-35, F
1 Response Mar 4, 2010

you're sweet....thank you. :) bf