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I Stopped Using Crack

I just want to share my story to show that you can stop using drugs if you are addicted. Alcohol is a drug too. I smoked crack for the first time in 1986 when I was 25 years old. In the space of a few months I was addicted. Maybe someone can relate to some of the things I did or were done to me. Once I was being robbed of $60.00 in a park and someone broke a bottle over my head from behind when I resisted. Another time a 19 year old guy who I had never met broke the widshield of my car with a club and then turned and beat me. Another time I got punched in the face for something I said to someone. I sold my possessions like TVs a $500.00 stereo, A jaket off my back, the tires off my dads car, my car stereo. I rented out my car to people I had just met and had to report it stolen 4 times. All for a few dollars worth of crack. The small city where I got my drugs had the highest murder rate in the western U.S. and I was there a few times a week for three years. After I got clean I estimated I got cheated in drug deals about a 1/3 of the time. I also lost a job I had ben at for four years and my housing. Near the end of my using I used to attend AA,CA, or NA meeetings but I still used in between. But then in 1990, I started going to an AA meeting steadily and the guy who ran it showed me where other meetings were near my house. Like I said I started going steadily. I forgot to say I had the obbsession and compulsion to use, my life revolved around getting and using drugs. But then one night I was lying oin bed and I had been attending this meeting faithfully, but the obsession and compulsion hit me and I thought, " Im going to get up early, take a bus to some friends of the family who had loaned me money before, borrow a $100.00 and than take the 45 minute ride to the city I mentioned and get crack, But I woke up and I realized, that was insane and that night the obsession and compulsion had been lifted. It was January of 1990 and the craving has never come back. I kept going to meetinmgs and eventuallly I was taking the bus to six meetings a week. I recommend you get a sponser and work the 12-steps as soon as possible but I waited three years before I did that. I started speaking at meetings and became a representative at once a month meetings where we took care of business related to our meetings, like saying we needed more support, we donated to the world Service organization , brought back to our individual groups we represented al the news of CA or NA. What I mainly want to say is from my experience of 20 year in the three programs ; it doesn't matter how long you used, what you used. where you used or how much you used , you can still get clean.That's not an opinion; I have seen this as a rule. No matter how far down you've gone you can be helped. I have heard speakers who were in prison for years or used to sleep n their own urine on a park bench, or sold their bodies, or hustled and conned people for a living I have seen those people recover and become respected members of the community. Or people like me who have been in psych wards or peoplle who have attempted suicide or lost everything like all there wordly belongings and their families, we can all be helped. You don't have to hit bottom , that's a myth, addiction or alcoholism can be arrested at any time and you can start on the road up. It is said that it's a simple prigram not aneasy one but if you work the 12 steps and follow some simple principles your life will improve more than you ever imagined. In my recovery I have done things I never would have done while using, I've went back to college, I've been steadily employed, I've gone ccamping, waterskiing, flown acoss the country a few times, gone to comedy clubs, My sister trusts me enough that she has given me a key to her apt. in case she locks herself out ( which happend twice in two months ) or she needs her plants watered or her dog walked. Just so many good things have happpend to me. A lot of people are afraid they can't have fun without drugs but look at me and there aree many other peoople like me. Meetings are a big part of recovery. Try one out near you they're all over, you can go and you don't have to talk you can just sit thee in the back and listen untill you're comforttable and you can see it's a safe place to share and all people want from you is to see you get what they got which is clean and sober. If I have helped one person by this I will be happy. Good luck to anyone who tries this it is PROVEN to work. It will be twenty one years clean for me January 1st, 2011. I can honestly say I don't miss drugs at all.
555calif 555calif 51-55, M 28 Responses Oct 22, 2010

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My name is jade.. I was born with that name.i've been on my own since i was 14....i tried this drug out of curiosity...and has riled up on me time and time again....i got a sponsor...but dont talk like i should to him...i go to meetings but feel so foreign....i am 43 now and been through prison...made it through..god blessing...i have a girlfriend who is clean 6 years..but has issues ....and i need help with this riling up crack thing..meaning it comes up when things are good and bad....ive lost so much in the past and i desire to stay clean..something just isn't working for me....i don't know what it is...maybe i need to go to a shrink..because prison has effected me in alot of ways im not seeing....isolation,depression,i did well over 20some years in and out due to my crack addiction .I'd get depressed used and then steal and get caught...when i was younger,now that im older those things are not me and i dont and will not go back there...yet after all that it still comes at me so stong! I hate it! I got a home group that i attended yet again seems foreign....i thank you for your honesty and i hope you or anyone can help me.

Not only drugs can be an addiction.. Alcohol (like you said is a drug too).. food.. sex.. money

True.

Your stories are inspiring. Whenever I think I have come to the end of the line, then I read stories like these, I get to think that there can still be hope after all.

I've been sober since Dec 31, 1998

Good for you. Good job.

thank you, please message me ok thanks

Wow, what an inspirational story. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Can anyone help me? I am sorry for putting it in the comment to this post but I am not sure how to use this site. I just Google crack addiction and recovery and this post cane back in the search. I was reading and decided to register in the hope that I could possibly get some guidance. I am so lost. I am so broken. I have searches desperately to read real life crack experiences and never find anytjing, this is the first time I found somthing real. Basically I am not a crack addict but my partner is. I feel at such a loss, I don't understand him and what he going through, I don't know how to support him. I met him 9 years ago...... He has become an addict In the last 5.... I think he been smoking for 7 years! 2 years ago he lost his home, since he became addicted hus appearance and financial situation went down hill. He moved in with me a little over a year ago and it's like sometimes he's the most amazing caring man ever then he smokes and changes over night, he becomes arrogant, selfish, violent, aggresive, he tells me I'm a looser and that he doesn't love me and never has. He makes me feel so disgusting and low. When he's sober he's fine but soon as he gets that urge he's gone and he don't come back until at least 3 days after his last smoke and then he acts a little more normal again. A few weeks back I found a home made crack pipe in his pocket, I was shocked and felt sick. He has made friends with a fair few other users so he always has people to go and smoke with... This one girl he been hanging around a lot, she smokes, she has introduced him to crack houses and other users, he has spent a 2 day period with her twice before, I wonder if they are sleeping together, he swears they arnt, what do you think? When he goes on his smoking gases he disappears all night comes back 5,6,7 somtimes later the next day, always sweating, looking really scary, heart pounding.... He acts like he hates me I don't know what to do. I can't live like tgi's no more. The other day he said he wouldn't smoke again and he realised this wasn't for him, the crack smoker girl rang him and he told her he not coming out, I felt proud. The dealers sent him texts telling him they had great 'food' he ignored it and I felt proud, but it lasted all of 4 days and he was gone again and has been smoking since. He is behaving so mean and evil and arrogant, he has said the most awful things, he has hit me, I feel so heart broken, what an earth do I do. Why does he do yhis?

Hi. Sorry about your situation. I am a crack addict. It is very insidious. The dealers will stay after him, his using friends will too. He has to be willing to go to extremes to quit. Change phone #, move to new house. Is he having sex with that girl, who knows. I have met many women that will exchange sex for about $10 of crack. They have a high risk of disease, I do not recommend having sex with your boyfriend, you are at risk for disease including HIV. You can't save him, he has to have a true desire to get clean. If so then you can support him. If not, you should immediately leave him. I put my family thru hell, and I continue to struggle with addiction, but they are supportive now because I am sincere and have taken many steps to stay clean. I went to prison, I went to treatment in prison. I ended up smoking crack 7 days out of prison, so even the consequence of prison wasn't enough. This drug has changed my brain to where I will destroy myself. You really need to make a decision, if he sincerely wants to clean up the it's drastic action time, if not, get out. Best wishes

I read these posts with great interest. I am struggling with understanding a very fresh situation. I was seeing a man for over a year and the only issue we had was our three hour distance. I noticed his dedication to his aging parents, and he commented many times he owed them so much he could never move from them now in their time of ill health. I admired that about him. He was open in his never being in a long time relationship, or married, due to his preference for alone time and hard work. these last two months were hard as I had a minor surgery , but he did not come. I had a birthday, and he was supposed to be here but cancelled. He said he was struggling and felt strangled by all his obligations. But stated mroe than once how understanding i was, how he never met anyone like me and i was his love and we would marry one day. He works hard at a blue collar job and i am in a good position career wise. He often said how lucky he was to have found me. The last few weeks were hard as I thought it was time to have a chat about where this relationship was going.. I thought ok to do so after 14 months together. Well, one week ago he logged onto our webcam and broke up with me. Had stated the week before during his struggle that he had something to share with me face to face. I was scared to death at what this news was. He told me then on line that he was a recovering crack user 6 years clean this month. Mental health issues quite severe during his active use and recovery,, and how he knew himself enough that he needed to be "selfish' (his words) in order to stay clean as he knows himself know enough that he is finding it hard. He stated his working hard, and a lot, was his therapy and he had nothing to offer me. Prior to this he kept saying he hoped I would not regret being with him once i knew his story. I feel he strung me along, toldme what i wanted to hear, all the while knowing that there would come a day he would end this. I told him more than once i did not want to be just another notch for him. He repeatedly told me how much he loved me, how lucky he was etc. We had a great relationship and I saw no indication of his relapsing, just more his issue with his parents, work, and I was pretty low on that list. So , when I pushed a little, he left me. I am struggling for understanding having not been with anyone with an addiction issue before. How can he say he loves me, but leaves me? I understand the need for self care and that recovery is a number one issue and work. I work enough in the business to understand that point. But after 6 years he can not find the balance? Is this typical? I do not think he started using again, but does the struggle last forever? Any words of advice or wisdom would be appreciated as I am reeling with how this came out of left field. I felt if he had of shared this early on in the relationship I could have made a decision if I could do this, or at least have understood his need for solo time, and work. He would not even want me to come stay with him while he worked stating he needed his rest. I just dont understand.

We can only speculate what another's motives may be...I'm sure he was sincere when he said he felt lucky to have found you,and I also understand his hesitation in leveling with you about his ugly past.At least you had a bit of good time together and you didn't have to get dragged through the hell of being in a relationship with an active addict.Many of us in recovery are not great at staying in relationships or many other 'grownup' responsibilities,but have strengths in other areas of life-quite often amazing strength.I have only recently recognized the workaholic tendency in myself...He may still be struggling on levels you may never comprehend,but truly seems to be trying to be a better person.I dunno. Good luck and unexpected blessings to you and do try not to take this personally-the situation with his issues and priorities seem to have little to do with you.

Thanks so much for your response. Good advice and perspective. I want to believe he was sincere as well, and we did have a great time in the year. It is interesting you pointing out the struggles in relationships. And with his past issues I think he has done amazing, but unfortunately he did not talk to me about any of it . As I said, I never really had a chance did I? I will take your last line and try and focus on that.. the situation had little to do with me. Thanks so much! This helped.

Dubkebab is right, we don't know his motives. We can only guess as to what is going on with him. What stands out to me in your writing is 'severe mental problems' . I have those myself as well as being an addict and I know how hard these problems make relationships. At least mine do. A big part of addiction is being self-centered, many addicts struggle with it. I don't want to sound harsh or judgmental but maybe you're better off without him. If he is using I guarantee that that it will end up that in many cases and in many ways he will put the drugs ahead of you. It's the nature of addiction. I realize you don't know if he's using again but sometimes behaviur we practiced in our addiction carries on into our recovery. Here's more conjecture: (ONLY if he's using). In my active addiction I asked three or four women to marry me. I got caught up in the moment while high and I would promise anyone, anything. Sometimes we tell people what we think they want to hear in a relationship, sincere or not to keep the relationship. I don't want to put down the man you love, after all, I don't know either of you and for all I know you may get back together next week! Life is weird that way. BUT...Not breaking up in person after a year- long relationship somehow doesn't sit right with me. Webcam is the easy way out. Wow, I'm really sounding negative here. So I hope, of course, that you take all this with a grain of salt. I wish you good luck.

Thanks for your open and honest response. From the little he told me it seems his mental health problems were all wrapped up in his addiction, however there were childhood traumas as well with an alcoholic abusive father. So a whole big kettle of fish going on it appears! I think too I am better off without him. If his coping skills are so weak, and the only thing in the whole year I stood up to own was how often we saw each other and where we were going.... if that was the straw that broke the camels back.. I did not have a chance and likely would have occured down the road anyway. With a son turning 13 and the teenage years ahead.. I do not think he could have coped if we ever moved in together. So , perhaps he did me a favor. Hard to see some of those traits in a long distance relationships until too late sometimes. I truly do not think he is using, but are anniversary dates triggers sometimes? I know he said the end of this month was 6 years. With his struggles he said he knew he had to be alone to focus on his staying clean. Add to that a feelign of guilt with his mom in being there for her after all they did for him. I guess the little he told me it was awful for them. But now he feels he has to be there for them at the cost of a loving long term relationship. Sad really for his mom wishes for him to be happy in love as they are not goign to be around forever. The comment you made about asking three women was familiar. In his case he said three or four women in the past had asked him to marry him. And how he always was the one leaving relationships. Never the one being left. And was never married. He kept saying i would ask him one day to which I responded,, I am an old fashioned girl.. so I suspect this was all during his active using days. And yes, to feel that after a year of being with someone, by someone who professed their love,, to break up on webcam was downright disrespectful and selfish with a capital S. There is a difference to me in self care and selfish. Easy to see why it does not sit well with you as i want to strangle him for that. Showed me what he thought I was worth that is for sure. Don;t worry about sounding negative,, I guess I needed some of that as well to get a clearer picture on why this is for the best. Thanks for your response. Even talking about it is helpful to me in the processing. Thanks so much and good luck with your recovery as well.

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'effin' great story. good work,555calif!

I didn't smoke much coke,but certainly inhaled a heap of meth.yuk.
my drug of choice was alcohol,which in many ways did more damage than the large amounts of hard drugs I also regularly imbibed.Glad to say I'm also staying clean(7 years!) and am staying housed,in regular service in and out of AA,and out of police custody...none of which I could manage on my own.

thanks for sharing your story.

7 years... Keep up the good work.

If you don't miss drugs, then you might not be an addict.

When many addicts or alcoholics give up their drugs, the drugs are still working for them. What I mean is, sure, the actual "high'" is still fun but the fact that obtaining that 'high 'is wrecking their lives, than the urge to get clean and sober over-powers the desire to get that 'high'. For me, yes, the 'high' from crack made me feel VERY good. I remember that. But now that I'm clean and I can look back and I can honestly say that the feeling of being clean and sober far outweighs the pleasure of getting 'high' again. Yes, I am an addict, I made attempts to stop using crack on my own but I could not do it by myself. I was determined to stop using drugs on my own but the next day, I was emptying my bank account and risking bodily harm once again, back in that cycle . If you want my war stories of the stupid stuff I did while getting and using drugs that another addict can relate to, I have plenty of those. It's OK, my own mother, after I was 15 years clean, told me she doesn't think I'm realy an addict. It's OK. My using friends who were on the front lines with me abusing drugs knew I had a big problem with drugs.

I get the same "you must not have been that bad" or "then you weren't really an addict". Three years since my last relapse, nine years since starting the struggle. And no, I don't miss the drugs. Yes I liked the high but the coming down was what kept me high. I hated it and whatever it took to avoid it...
I appreciate this post because I often feel like an anomaly. I couldn't possibly be the only one who struggled and am in a better place now.

The only reason I got clean was because I found I was pregnant with twins. I still believe God put those kids in my life for a reason.
All the mitigating factors in my addiction were removed (whether I liked it or not), and I am glad to say that despite two relapses (the first was about three consecutive weekends, the second was a huge three day binge), I remain clean, three years since my last relapse, and three years before that.
I am here now because karma has made an appearance at my door. The man I love, is addicted to crack. I don't scream and run, because I know he is there, but I am at a loss because I don't have basic words to help him find HIS epiphany. And I can't. So I come here to know that it will be ok, that I'm not the only one, I'm not special or unique, and that others have struggled, still struggle but survive beyond addiction. Thank you fit sharing this personal story. I don't go to support groups but maybe I will gain comfort there.Your post has given me just a little more strength a little more faith, that everything will be okay. Happy Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving to you too. Good luck in your life.

It is a horrible drug. I hate that as soon as I have a couple of drinks now, it's in my head ... And then I am just disgusted. Always say it's the last time. I did aa in the past, I can't find it in me to go again , until then ,,, misery

Hey hope you get this... The man I love is also addicted to crack. Im just curious i thought ppl cheat on drugs. Or how would you know if he is or isnt?

Well you know him. Maybe the same way anyone would act if they were cheating. I don't know if I'm unique but I always felt like having s*x while I was high on crack. I think drugs and s*x go hand in hand. When I did drugs with girls, I ALWAYS had s*x on my mind. There was a term for girls who would trade s*x for drugs. It is a highly offensive term. You just don't go around calling people this, it's a very sensitive issue, at least in the town I smoked most of my crack in. But the term is common and you might have heard of it.
"Crack Wh*res". Girls who either sell their body for money for crack or trade their body for crack. If you're fiance or boyfriend is hanging around the wrong people he may yield to temptation. Lots of drugs lower inhibitions. And crack is certainly one of them. Peoples morals and standards can go way down on crack. I am not accusing your boyfriend of anything. Just offering information and thoughts. When I was in my active addiction I fooled around with girls I had just met. They were willing and s*x is hard to turn down. I wouldn't know how to broach the subject with your boyfriend. Cheating is a serious issue and obviously, not a subject to be taken lightly or throw unproved accusations around. I wish I could help. I'm not the best relationship guru to ask questions of. If he seems like he is hiding where he's going and what he's doing a lot, and who he's hanging out with or who he's doing drugs with, that might be a sign. But you know him best and he might be innocent. I'm all for you being loyal to your boyfriend but I would have serious reservations about having a relationship with a crack addict who is still using. Crack destroys lives, addiction is an insidious disease, and he could drag BOTH of you down. But if he is serious about getting help then MAYBE you can trust him. If he shows he is serious.This just popped into my head. If he is a good looking guy, it is a little easier for him to get mixed up with available women. Anyway, good luck. I hope your life goes well.

Trolls are immune to logical explanations. You might be wasting your time with this one.

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I really needed that I am struggling with trying to get clean.

I wish you the best. I don't know if you are in a 12-step program but if you are, then just do the footwork and do what you are supposed to do, and place your sobriety FIRST. Yes, it is a struggle. But a struggle you can win and come out on top of. I celebrated 23 years clean on January 1st of this year, I hope that encourages you. Remember, you don't have to go through your struggle alone, there are plenty of people willing to help and they are willing to share their experience with drugs, and how they got clean and what worked for THEM. AND how it can work for you too. Good luck. My advice would be DON'T hang around people who do drugs. I found out years ago even before I was an addict that inevitably people who do drugs want everyone close to them to do drugs. They will chip away at your resolve to not use drugs or drink. Not because they are bad people necessarily, that's just the way it works.And don't go in areas where there are drugs. You don't need the temptation. I don't go around drugs and I don't go near people who do drugs. And I'm happier for it. Other people can handle it. I can't. Good luck.

Brilliant,well written.thanks for sharing.

555, you are an inspiration. You give me hope. My best friend is currently on crack. He has used off and on since I have known him (almost 10 years). He is in deep deep denial. He gets very nasty when I mention the fact that I know he is using. I am scared because he is having health problems but refuses to link them to crack. His ankle and knees already ache and his teeth are giving him problems. He has lost 15 pounds in one month and looks completely worn out. I took him shopping once and he smelled like a sewer. It was the worst stench I had ever smelled. I couldn't believe that he couldn't smell himself. He had obviously not bathed in at least three days and had just finished a binge. However, the most astonishing thing about this drug is the complete change in his personality. He doesn't care about sports, politics, science or anything that he use to enjoy talking about. He has become very mean, uncaring and callous about everything. And the paranoia is unreal. He lies about everything, even things he doesn't need to lie about. He has absolutely no concern about his family. None of his family lives near him and rarely speaks to them. He has a completely new set of friends whom none of his old friends have ever met. (he calls his "new friends" his new family) I know for a fact, that he like many addicts, has rented out his car and reported it stolen at least three times. Still has a home, but I can't see that lasting much longer. It's so sad to see such a vibrant person turn into a selfish uncaring zombie. I just don't want his bottom to be death. I am his only tenuous anchor to the real world and he treats me with open hostility. He calls me about once a week, but all he wants to know is if I still believe he is on drugs. Apparently it's important to him for me not think of him as a crackhead. I keep him in prayer. I have to admit that I don't have much hope because he is in his mid 40s and has once been in a psych ward and twice hospitalized with crack related illness. This drug is absolutely devastating. Thanks for your wonderful website!

I am sitting outside of treatment facility, waiting, hoping, to get in. I have (again) pulled the pin on a grenade and destroyed everyone and everything good in my life. Crack is undoubtedly the most evil substance on this earth. Thank you for your encouraging, heartfelt story......

I wish you good luck. I hope you get in. Keep an open mind to what they tell you.
I will say the old cliche : if I was able to get clean anyone can. I will tell you a couple obstacles that I had overcome to getting clean in AA,CA, and NA. I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in 1980. I did not function for the next two years.Read my story about my illness on this site. I am extremely shy and do not like to talk to strangers. But I have gone to over a thousand meetings and spoken in front of anywhere from a hundred people to meetings with one or two people. I am poor and when I joined AA I had almost no possessions. I am heavily medicated. I caught the bus to meetings for the first five years I was in the program.And those 5 years I was living in a group home. Sharing a room and living with 12 or 13 other males. Living in the worst part of a big city in California with a population of over a million people.Those were what I overcame to get clean and it was worth it. I wish you good luck again.

We all do need this kind of hope.

It's good to hear someone stopped. In my professional life as a Social Worker I believe some of my clients who said they were clean, really were. In my personal life I have been dealing with a husband addicted to crack for the past three years. There was history, I now learn and after five years he chose to return to this drug. I am not living with him but just kep wondering if he can ever stop. I guess the hopes and dreams I had for us just aren't dying easily. In all likelihood I will never live with him again and eventually be divorced. It would be unreasonable to expose myself to even the potential for a re- occurrence of what I lived through. The lying, stealing, binging, crashing, anger, manipulation, filth,disappearing, infidelity, unemployment, irresponsibility. Actually, not. But kudos to you.

Wish I could help you and your husband, I'm just going to ramble on a little.Well that's really too bad that crack is wrecking your marriage ( I've never been married myself). Especially because there's help out there for whoever wants to quit using.Yes, I put myself through everything you listed. And I really have not touched it in 22 years. I have no reason to lie.But yeah if he doesn't get help he will drag both of you down eventually. My dad enabled me in some ways in my active addiction and paid the price with me wrecking two of his cars, me embarrassing him by begging money from neighbors, and my involvement with the police. If your husband is putting crack before your marriage now I doubt much will change or get better.Obviously, I am not the only crack addict who is successful in recovery, In over a thousand meetings I have run into more.But recovery doesn't start until the addict WANTS to stop himself. I've heard multiple hard -core users say they were physically beaten, threatened, their freedom taken away, given ultimatums. Nothing could force them to stop until THEY wanted to quit.

Hope you're running with the wind of caution, just don't get blown off that path.

dumore , you're on the right track. Take it one day at a time.You've made a good start.The longer you go without drugs the stronger you will get and the desire will weaken. If you stay clean you may get as lucky as me and enjoy the blessings I've had because I stopped my compulsion and obsession with drugs. I have gone to school , kept jobs for years, won back the trust of my h family, etc. If you get clean you have so much to look forward to. But don't get overwhelmed about the future , take it day by day. I'm glad you could stay sober today.

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Thanks 555calif. I live in a tourist village in the mountains. I get your point that no matter how determined I am to quit, when the opportunity arises in my weak moments, the compulsion will override my will to say "no". Your story and caring words to me have made a huge difference in my life goals. I got the call from both guys this evening but I had already set myself up to be unavailable. I invited an old friend (who hates drugs) over for dinner. I enjoyed it much better than getting high. I will take your advice and try searching the internet for an online meeting. Also, the local Presbyterian Church has regular AA meetings. Since AA helped you with crack addiction, perhaps it will work for me too. I am feeling so guilty for wasting so much time, injuring my health, loosing all the material wealth I had worked so hard for, and for not being a good influence to others. I am so determined this time to quit- I will take your advice and run with it. Thank you so very much for taking the time to help me. I was just about to give up but now I'm gonna fight the addiction with every tool that is available and affordable. God Bless You 555Calif.

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Thank you for sharing your experience. It inspired me to try quitting again. I am about your age and never used until my forties. I didn't even like the way crack or powder made me feel but the crowd I hung with kept giving it to me. Eventually I enjoyed the feeling and started using heavily. I "smoked" up my house & new car, lost contact with family, business associates and old friends. Every night I am determined to not buy anymore but everyday the compulsion drives me back to the dealer. I am now on pain meds for an injury and I still buy crack. If I ever got busted I would loose my relationship with my kids & grandkids, my home, my boyfriend,virtually every one & that is important to me. Please advise

Hi dumore, her is the Cocaine Anonymous website. It is easy to navigate. You can copy and paste this web address.http://www.ca.org/meetings.html One thing I would strongly advise is to order the Ca basic text . It is called ' Hope,Faith and Courage'. It tells about the program and has many pesonal stories in it that are very inspiring. It will answer questions you have about the CA 12-step program. Recovery from a crack addiction is very possible.Recovery is a reality. You don't have to suffer from crack addiction any more ,you don't have to be a slave to crack any more. I will celebrate 23 years clean this coming January. I strongly hope you can take the simple steps that are needed to start recovery. Find a meeting near you and go. Try not to use in between but even if you give in to the compulsion it does not mean permanent failure. Keep.coming back. You can have faith in the program, if it works for me it can work for anyone. I also suffer from paranoid schizophrenia one of the most disabling conditions in the world. I share that with you because it shows what obstacles I have overcome and I still got clean and sober. If I can hop on a bus 6 nights a week and sit through meetings I figure anyone can. A first step would be to not hang around the same old places where you used and don't hang around the same people you use with. They will just lead to picking up the pipe again. It is obvious that you will use if it is in front of you and if you hang with the same crowd it will be right in front of you. If you have any questing just ask me.

Thank you so very much, 555Calif, for caring about me & taking the the time to write. Your response has given me renewed strength. After reading your "personal" reply to me, I fell asleep & dreamed I had overcome crack addiction. I went to the CA link; the closest meeting is 100 miles away and the book is more than I can afford at this time. I spent all my money this month on buying crack- I ran out of money 2 days ago and so I thought I would be safe & forced into not using. I stayed home all day but later got a call inviting me for free crack. Even though I was determined not to use, I couldn't overcome the compulsion. The most crazy thing about my addiction is that I don't really enjoy the high- I get so paranoid! Also, I don't hang around these "crack friends" except when using. There are 2 separate guys, who call me at different times, to give me free crack in exchange for driving them when they are too drunk to drive themselves. Even though i don't really want to, I feel compelled to get "high" for free. I was sober recently for over a week and never felt better. I was so happy to be heading towards a healthy lifestyle ...but then I got the call inviting me..at first I said "no" but changed my mind within serconds of thinking about it. Please advise.

hi dumore,you will not be able to stop using on your own. You cannot overcome the compulsion or obsession on your own. In addiction will power is not enough. You need help and assistance. I think CA, AA, and NA, have online meetings. You can find out by calling their respective World Office's. I don't know if they call them " World Offices' but play around on your online search engine until you find their websites and they should have 'contact' information.THEN call them up and ask if they know how to set you up for online meetings. I did this in another program. I called and they put me in touch with someone who walked me through step-by-step and taught me how do online meetings and he set up my computer over the phone so I can attend . In my recovery I got lucky .I HAD to move away from all the people I used with AND the places I used. Because if you're tempted as you know with easy access to crack the compulsion will always win out.. Don't get discouraged though. But If you hang around the two people you mentioned it will make it VERY,VERY, difficult to get clean. You can do this, don't give up. I think a book is about $10.00. If you buy the book then what they write will make sense to you..You will see yourself in those pages especially at the back of the book because they have many 'stories' from recovering crack addicts. You will, see people who were worse of than you and still recovered . A lot of crack addicts think they are unique and no one knows what they've been through or done.Well I will tell you we have all been there in our addiction. A lot of us sold our possessions, lied about our drug use, spent more money then we could afford on drugs. In my addiction I lost 30 lbs without noticing until my friend pointed it out, I spent all my money on drugs and never bought food. I lived on a bag of groceries a week from a free food bank. I was too busy smoking crack at all hours of the night to stop and feed myself. Do you live out in the country or the city ? Because you might even check out AA meetings which are more prevalent than NA and CA. In fact I got clean in AA even though I never drank alcoholically. I cannot give you all the information there is. There is just too much. But you can help yourself by getting information on the CA website. Good luck.

Ahmen

You have inspired me to go to AA

Good luck . Meetings are interesting you hear great stuff . It's not all doom and gloom, some speakers are quite entertaining . Good luck again.

Your right noone has to hit rock bottom, all that is needed is the desire to quit and the willingness to try.

Very inspirational story! NA does work wonders..

Great message,<br />
I have just celebrated 18 months clean! I went to the circle of sisters convention to celebrate!<br />
NA has changed my life, I did what was suggested, went to meetings, got a sponsor, and worked the steps, I never would have believed I COULD NOT USE ANYTHING FOR 18 MONTHS.<br />
Thanks for sharing your story!

Congratulations on 18 months. AA, CA , and NA are filled with success stories like ours. Some of the more staunchly religious members would call them miracles. But I wish you continued success in the program. Good luck.

Thank you!
I just wish I had got it earlier, I used for 33 years, but I am grateful to finally get to know myself, for the first time I can remember I like me!

Good for you. You are an inspiration too. If someone who used drugs for 33 years can quit, I think that's pretty remarkable and should inspire the people who have used for long periods and gave up. It shows NO ONE should give up. Congratulations.

thank you for sharing i could relate to alot of what you shared, i am still struggling but people like you help me to stay clean.

Shawn, are you in any 12-step program ? Just wondering.

Your an inspiration to many people. I am so glad you shared your personal story.

Charlie, good luck in your program. I will work it and I will keep going back. Thanks.

it works if you work it, keep coming back . I had the good fortune to get program before I went to prison so while I was in I had the time to reflect about all I had learned. when I did parole I learned that drugs was not my only problem . I had to learn to live as a law abiding citizen, I had been cutting it close all my life .