Starting A New Life

hi, there are so many stories about narcotic addictive people and every time i read one i fell so related and im sure i am not the only one. Im 28 yrs old, and i been addictive to narcotics for 4 years i used  viocodine, tramadol, morphine, coidine, or anything that would keep my pain away. It all started with my migranes, i have had migranes since i was very young, sometimes they would b tolorable some other very bad, drs tried everyhing for the pain and they would work for some time, then they would start on something different.. i was living in Teennesse in cause that my husband was stationed there from the ARMY, thats when my headeaches got very bad, they deporting to Irak for the second time and i had to come back to california with my two daughters, they are only eight and three. Most of my family lives in california, one of my sisters told me about tramadol, saying that it helps her for the pain and that's a very good medicine for any kind of pain. On the next two days i went to see my dr. and i explained my problems with headeaches and told him i wanted to try tramadol, so he prescribed it, that's when my life totally changed. I really liked it, and i was so happy to find something to take away the pain of the headeaches and migranes. I started with a dose of 50mlg twice a day, they made me fell active, happy, strong and able to do alot more that i could do in one day. The more i took the better i would fell, it wasnt the migranes any more it was the great felling of energy. No body knew i was taking more than i supposed to, my husband never suspected, specially because he wasn't home. After a year when he came back i was tottaly depending on the pills, i coulnt take anymore from the dr. because of the insurence, everytime they were about to be over i would get so scared and anxious, trying to think what would i have to do to get more. Sometimes i would go to emergency room telling them i had a very  very bad migrane so they would give me morphine thru the IV on the vain. Other times i would just ask friends or family if they didnt have anything for the pain, but at that point nothing would work on me becuase i was taking way to much. when my husband came back to irak i had to tell him my problem because i knew i needed it help, for a while i was getting tramadol from somewhere else.. Me and my husband decide to go to a rehab center to do detox, i staid in a rehab clinic fro three weeks, the first week i dont remember anything they had me sudeted enough to not fell the withdrwals, they overdose me ones that they call the paramedics to take me to the nearest emergency room,, it was just horrible, my roomate and i got very closed, she used to tell me i looked so bad the first week, i coulnt even talked and they made me go to the group cessions. I started to have hiluccinations and night mares. The last two weeks were'nt that bad i made friends and my husband visited me every day with my two daughters. The day i got out i felt different, happy and at the same time scared. My pscichytris kept me in one pill of day to control withdrwall symptoms.. they worked good. Two years after i relapse, taking tramadol again, i dont even know how it happened, i just started taking them on a trip to mexico they sell it with out prescription, so i was taking them like candy, the more i took was about 50 to 60 tramadol a day. My husband noticed right away and he helped me to stay off it, but i just wasnt able to do it, this time it was worst because i really wanted to keep energetic to be able to do everything i needed to do. Im an artist and at that time i was painting alot and selling lots of paintings, for schools, restaurants, peoples walls houses and i was teaching a art class for kids, i felt great. He told me one day if u dont try or show me you want to get clean i would leave and take the girls with me, i didnt beleive him, i alwasy knew he loved me so much and always been there for me no matter what.. but he did left. and to be honest if he woulnt leave i woulnt have the strenght to do it, to stop the addiction that was taking what i love most in this world, my husband, and my two daughters.. I did detox my self at home with the help of my mom and my sister, i went thru hell, i hardly could get up from bed, i had to take a shower in a chair and my sister had to help me get dress. I woulnt done it with out my mom and my sister, my mom cried with me everytime i would cry saying that i wanted to die reather then fell the pain, the weekness on my legs and arms, the anxiaty in all my body, i felt like i wanted to cut my arms off, i coulnt stand anything touching my skin, but i did it, i cant beleive it but i did. Now i have my husband and my kids back at home. My psichytris its helping me with my deppression and my anxiaty, wich i didnt mention i am biopolar which made thinks more difficult for me and my family, Its still hard to go back to a normal life, sometimes i cant remember what it is to be sober, what i used to do, or how could i do things with out the pills,, I want to go back to painting but im so scared, its like a trigger,  those were the times when i was under the use, and im scared i wont b able to do it. I love painting its my passion, but i have the hope that i would put this hands back to what they do best.
miluz miluz
Nov 27, 2010