Cut Cut Cut Cut Cut

I don't care who I upset., or what they say... when it's in my head, it's a compulsion, a craving, I have to cut. I have to do it now, just thinking and typing about it.
Depression and anxiety have ruled the past 4 years of my life, this is my release, my way out.
there are blades, plasters, enough anti-septic cream to fill an ocean all stashed all over the house.
I annoy people, so they leave the house, and nag them and stuff... till I know I have an hour to myself.
I wish I could stop, but I don't want to, and I do. But I can't, and I know I can.
nothinganymore nothinganymore
22-25, F
2 Responses Sep 9, 2012

As soon as I saw this I knew I needed to respond. I have had depression all my life. I have now been diagnosed with Post tramatic stress disorder. Plus a few other things. I began cutting myself when a boss was putting me down telling me how badly I was doing my job. I used my fingernail and just kept running it across my knuckle. The pain was great, it helped me to keep distracted enough so I wouldn' cry. I found myself doing this any timeI was upset. I have enough scars from it. One time my anxierty was so bad, I took my keys and cut a ring around my wrist. left a scar that helps me remember not to do it. But, the last time I did it, I was talking to a close friend of mine. He demonstrated how cutting makes other people feel. It is devasting for those who love you. I know stopping is hard to do for youself. But, look arond, who else has it affected. you sayy you would annoy and nag people to get them out of your house. Does being alone really help? If you want to get well, you will take the steps you need to to do it. Others do care.

I feel the same way! Once I started I didn't even need a reason anymore I just knew it is what had to happen and once I felt the need I was going to do it right then no matter the place or the situation I just needed to. Then my friends started avoiding me. None of them understood what I was going through. They couldent grasp the idea and just thought I could easily stop. But I can't. It's a addiction. And addictions need fuel.