Lost All

I used meth full on for the past 2 years. I thought i was strong enough to never let a drug controll my life. I was very wrong. It took ahold of my life bigtime. I hate that pipe but love it at the same time. Even after being off it for a mth. I had a beautiful life. Three boys 12, 6 and 2years old. I owned my house . Owned a brand new car. Didnt owe money. Then bang my addiction started to get out of controll and i didnt know it untill i lost everything. Including my darling boys. I worked hard all my life for what i had and each time i sold something to score or to feed the kids because all my pay went on meth, I still played the blame game. Things hit rock bottomwhen i got the boys dad to look after them so i could try and get ok then he took off with them. I would never have left mu babies with him if my mind wasnt so ****** from drugs. I sold everything i own my house,car,pricless keepsakes and spent all my savings. My children have been missing for 3 mths because of the stupid decisions iv made on meth. Iv been arrested for having meth on me. I had been off it and thought why not get on just once more? Iv been so good. I ended up in an interview room all night. Also lost 500 bucks. That money could have gone on my kids. When will i learn? I miss my kids so much i cant breath some days. I wish meth didnt exist.

lysa351 lysa351
31-35, F
4 Responses Sep 22, 2012

Does the state have yout kids now?

What is pills arnon? Thank you for your kindness. I siriously just want to give up on life sometimes. The only thing that stops me is my boys. My oldest sons father shot himself while on the phone to me and i dont want my missing childern to think they were not good enough for me to live for them. My x who has abducted them isnt even my oldest childs dad. The law still ajorned my return and location order. I know i got to fight for them and dont want to kill myslf and my sons both parents would have comited suicide. But how do u stop pain? A human cant live hurting this much. How do u stop pain without drugs

I am a recovering opiod addict. I have been sober for over 4 months. I ended up going to rehab. I thought in a similar way than you do. I felt I was week for not being able to get off of the drugs. I've learned that addiction has very little to do with will power or intelligence. When you say "when will I learn?" You already know things arent good. Your problem isnt learning, its addiction. I suggest going to pills anon or cocaine anon. It save my life. God bless you.

The same thing happened to me. I owned my house (pretty much outright). I had a good paying job and a new truck. I, however didn't have kids. I'm grateful for that. It is amazing what depths we will go to chasing that high. Just when we or I thought I couldn't go any lower I did. I've had several stints in jail and swore I'd never go back. The only way that's going to happen is total abstinence. I can really identify. Please purservere. You will get this thing licked. It takes what it takes.

Thank u. I hope so xx