My Childhood Is Gone

I wish I knew what I know now when I was eleven. That's when I began using alcohol, tobacco, marijuana, and opioids. My addiction progressed rapidly, and I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Frequent use of the drugs above, soon became frequent use of cocaine, ecstasy, mushrooms, and the experimentation with meth. Getting high has literally been the only thing on my mind since the first time I used a mind altering substance. At age fifteen, I had taken over 25 different ecstasy pills, and I would buy each "brand" again on at least five different occasions. Acid is the only drug I used once out of all the drugs I have done, and it was one of the most satisfying. Anyway, I ended up getting addicted to heroin a week after my fifteenth birthday. My first attempt to stop using all drugs was August 8th of this year. I went sixteen days, but only because two friends from NA were working my program for me and letting me live with them. The day they left I went back to the same ****. I will be turning 17 in May. Meth became a problem shortly after my first relapse this year. I haven't gone a day without it, and instead of using heroin, I substitute it with any other opiate I can get my hands on. I have been using with my single parent since age twelve. Substance abuse has been a normal way of life to me and I know it's wrong. I am still young, so I have time, but using drugs everyday all day for a third of my life will be the most difficult challenge I will ever have to overcome. At this point, I am nothing but another hopeless object, feeling little emotion and though I have made several attempts to escape the threshold I put myself in years ago, I still feel there has been almost no progress made and yeah... This is my first time using this site and doing anything like this. I pretty much wrote this for no reason. I'm just high and I can't sleep and I want to hold a conversation with someone... Any feedback at all would be chili:)
AntwaunKTA AntwaunKTA
18-21, M
2 Responses Dec 6, 2012

well...i'm glad you wrote your understand what you're doing will and is leading you down a deadly path. KEEP TRYING is the main thing....go to NA you have a drug counsellor? if not...get one. I'm speaking from a parents point of son has done everything you've mentioned...i am very supportive, and am working hard to get him help. He's on a waiting list for rehab as we speak.
I don't know exactly your support system, or if you have one.

you've done a lot of gear in a short time.I would put mushrooms and acid as eyeopeners.
Heroin will only lead you to crime and self loathing.