Where I Live

I moved away from where I use to do meth. I loved it. I know that if I still lived there I would still be high and about 110 lbs. I love the feeling of not having a straight head. I do coke when I can get it. Although Im on alot of meds and I think that I could die from this ****. I cant help it I do it anyways. But most of all my down fall is beer and Im already depressed most of the time and I just shouldnt but I do drink. Ive done AA and NA Nothing has helped not even me. I dont know if Im ready to stop but its making me depressed again fast. Along with of the stress of having 4 kids 2 of them 11 month old twins. Stress is also living with my husband and the twins arent his and my lover is mad cause we dont live with him. SO I drink and a bit of a pill popper if I do say so myself. I drink to get away from hateing myself. I just cant drink all the time thats where the pills come in. One day I hope to stop so I can stop hurting myself and everyone else.
halfgone halfgone
26-30, F
4 Responses Jul 4, 2007

I am a recovering alcoholic with 14years of sobriety. AA works. But listening to your story and the many issues that you are facing, I think you need also to talk to a counselor, one on one. Thats my suggestion. Best wishes!

I have been there done that. Opiates..you name it. now have a 3 yr old 2yr old and 8mth. been clean for 2 and half yrs. struggle everyday, but because of a miracle, i am clean.. thank God especially for my kids and to be a good mom. keep your head up, you might not think you can do it, but i know you can. just keep going to meetings, i just started to not hate them about six months ago. i just did everything i was told to do...and i knew that if i didn't want to do what was requested of me then i needed to do it. i'll always miss the "escape" and my affair with drugs.

Please dont take this wrong, but its not about you anymore, you have two small babys that rely on you, before your children your life was your own, now you owe it to your kids.

You are trying to solve the world all at once. That would be too much for everyone. Hence the problem. Write it out and turn it into bite sized chunks. That is the only way out, one step at a time.