In Recovery From Opiate Addiction.

Hello all.

Most of my story is over at the BPD forum, but just to share about my previous opiate addiction...

I was an addict for 7 years. Opiates never made me high. They evened me out per se. I have many psychiatric disorders and opiates were the only thing that kept them at bay (sometimes).

I have overdosed because my tolerance quickly grew. However, it wasn't an overdose I did on purpose. That is when I went (the first time) to try to detox. The ER I went to sent me away saying they couldn't help me. They sent me away with more lortabs.

I was taking around 20 vicodin/lortab mixed with ultram per day, off and on for 7 years. They pretty much became my life. They were me.

I decided once more to get off the drugs January 17, 2009. I went through pure hell. My mother came to get me because I thought that I should be on methadone. I went into the methadone clinic because I wanted to be dosed. My skin was crawling, I was sweating through my clothes (it was freezing out), I was vomiting, and I haven't eaten in 2 days. (I had been off the opiates for 2 days now)

They refused to treat me. Saying that I needed to do intake, and this and that, and that they would see me the next day. I told that it was unacceptable, that I was literally going to kill myself if I went through this another night. So I went to the bathroom and vomited. But I woke up with paramedics around me. They said I had a seizure, on that d*** methadone bathroom floor. I remember when I was woken, I had so much foam on my face. It was a nightmare. They wouldn't allow for my mom to take me to the ER, they took me by ambulance.

I got there and they treated me with clonidine, phenobarbital, and compazine. (Which I am allergic too) That made it worse but my mother didn't think to tell them no compazine or phenegran. I laid in that bed for 7 hours ******* and having "seizure" like fits. The doc said that he gave me the maximum amount of phenobarbital, enough to knock out three people. Didn't touch me.

They finally released me and sent me home with a RX for more clonidine and phenobarbital. That helped a lot with the physical withdrawals, but nothing could touch the mental part.

Now, it's been 90 days. I have a sponsor and I am opiate free. It's hard to believe it, but it's so surreal. Now my battles are with my psychiatric disorders. More fighting to get through. My sponsor says I am a newborn to the sober world, that it is going to take some time to figure out "who" I am. Whoever that may be.

EccentricOne EccentricOne
26-30, F
27 Responses Apr 20, 2009

I was addicted to Opiates and Benzodiazapenes for over 10 years. The last 4 years of my addiction were pure hell. It took over my life and I would stop at nothing to get pills. I used to believe I would die without them. I almost did. At my rock bottom, I decided to enter a Rehabilitation Center. It saved my life. I detoxed longer then most people. It was so horrible. I was on Suboxone for one week and after two days off of it I started having Seizures so I was put on Phenobarbital for a week then Clonodine and now I take Busiprone 3 times a day for anxiety. I have been clean for 67 days and it is not easy but God is on my side and I attend narcotics anonymous meetings every day and have worked the steps. No person can do this alone! I encourage every person who is struggling to pray, go to treatment for addiction and Intensive Therapy for the emotional aspect of your addiction. God Bless...

I have been off pain pills on and off for months, this time around I have been off for 3 months. I had brain surgery in 2011 and was thrown from a car in 2012, I had a dr that at the time I was so thankful for because he gave me pain pills and when they were not working he gave me stronger ones, when they didn't work I got stronger ones. I eventually was on 30mg oxycodone, 240 a month, and 100mg fentanal patches. (I cant spell for ****). It took a lot of work. I am in an intensive outpatient treatment now, and am working on my depression issue now. I hate that I have the title addict. But I do Good luck, to you and stay sober, it is worth it one day at a time.

I also used clonadine this time to come off and only had one night of horrible legs but have only been off for four days and feel really good. I am on cymbalta and wonder if that has helped...last time I had many sleepless and miserable nights...also, the day I went off I went to my doctor and had a b-coctail injection and have eaten tons of bananas...helps with restless legs and aches because of the postassium. The bad part is I started after an injury...and even though the pain pills have gone away, the pain hasn't...and lots of fatigue...don't think it can't happen to you, I am a 44 year old mom of three, one of who is also an addict and I couldn't understand why he couldn't stop...I understand only too well now!

I was addicted to pain pills too. After my brain cancer diagnosis in 2009 they handed them out like candy. Then after a year they decided I was addicted and wouldn't give them to me anymore. I went to a methadone clinic for 4 months. Dumbest thing I ever did. Just made it worse. I got down to 60mg of the done at the clinic and said f*** it and just stopped. I went through HELL for a month. But I've been pain pill free for 4 months now. Only now I take Adderall for recreational purposes. Stupid. But it's weird. The pain pills never made me high. Like you said, they made me feel normal. If it's not one thing it's another. Hope your doing well!

How are you today?

I just came off a 3 month heroin binge was sober for 10 months before that. I tried cold turkey I started freaking out after 48 hours went to go get on suboxone and of course the doc says she dose not believe in that drug but I had no energy to go anywhere els. So she gave me clonidine and phenobarbital and surprisingly it's helped out a whole lot and now I don't have to come off the suboxone just ready to get sober again I hate this hell iv created <br />
3 day sober

Glad to read your story. I was in the same boat for close to 10yrs as a highly functional member of society who took about 20 to 30 Lortabs a day. I've been off the pills for just about 2 years now and still struggle with all the emotional issues of living a clean life after ruining countless friendships and relationships. Some days are good some are bad, but reminding myself everyday that I so much better off than before helps. I wish you good luck in your journey and hope you can find peace within yourself and on going happiness.

Did you ruin friendships after getting clean?

Good for you (as far as the ops go). I hope they can give you some relief regarding your other issues.

Ive tried cold turkey, no good. So I'm doing a suboxone supervised out patient detox and things are going great I'm also taking the clonadine for the withdrawal symptoms if a detox like this is available to any of you guys I recommend it I also go to some group meetings that the clinic I'm going to has and I'm going to the NA meetings that I can get to all of this so far is working great I've been clean for 28 days now the first time in over 10 years I have alot of the feelings one of you mentioned like the memory, and feeling like I'm in a daze but I'll deal with that not to ever be sick again with the withdrawals if anyone needs to aak about my treatment just ask I'd love to be able to help if I can..... And remember like one of my councilors say...... If you quit doing stupid **** stupid **** quits happening...... GOOD LUCK EVERYONE

I'm on the suboxone now

Im on suboxone, too.How long have you been on suboxone? I've been off & on for 3 years. It seems I only traded addictions from pills to suboxone. The good part is I can now function & pass drug screening, making it possible to work. But I'm fearful I may never again live without dependence.

I read all the stories and I'm sorry eccentric1 you relapsed. I started taking perks and switched to oxycontins and then any pain killer to keep me normal too. I never felt like I could function for the past six years without any pain killers. I tried to quit the week before this past Thanksgiving and I relapsed for 2 days after a car accident. I've been clean since, but I don't feel normal. I took methadone for the first 2 weeks. I quit that cuz I didn't want to get addicted. Now I just finished chlonodine treatment. But I just don't have motivation to get my day started. I pray that my brain will get back to normal, but it doesn't feel right. I just applied for some classes to try to start a new career, but I'm scared my brain isn't ready for school. I hope I'm not wasting my money, but I can't just sit around the house anymore. I've been trying to read more, but my memory isn't the best. I tried suboxone once, and I almost freaked out. Should I try it again? I need advice from people that know whats going on. Thank u/

How are you today?

I think suboxone w/d is far less painful than other opiates. Only the **** is drawn out. I was addicted to morphine,oxy,hydro(w/e kept me from getting sick) until i got on methadone, soon after, switched to suboxone and maintained on that for like 4 months. Heres the thing, regular opiate withdrawal is done within 5-7 days before u really start feeling better, but with suboxone, the first 3 days were bad but the rest is lingering felt effect up to 12 days. I went 12 days clean for first time in 6 years then relapsed on fentanyl for 5 days. I knew i ****** myself but i couldnt stop, i had no control. I am now back up to 8 days clean and feeling pretty good. My suggestion to kick this **** is skip the methadone, get to a little dope sick then take 2-4 mg of suboxone per day. Tamper down to less than a crumb of the suboxone, Dont take suboxone more than 2 weeks, The longer you take it the longer the withdrawal. Trust me

Nope. Only suboxone. Too hell with methadone.

I was addicted to oxycodone and oxycontin for a year. I had to go to rehab to help me get off of them. They are a b*tch to get off of by yourself. I will NEVER experience that hell again. As far as going to the methadone clinic. Methadone can be just as addictive. Please be careful with it. It is just synthetic heroine.

Hi ..Im new im battling the same addiction. i agree its not the high its energy. im in methadone treatment whats your thoughts about the methadone clinc?

Thanks :)

I feel lucky to be your friend and hope I can help you…DD

I am working on that =/

Now, not only say ****'em but embrace who you are, embrace how special you are...DD

For a long time DD I DID care about what others thought about me. I felt like "junkie" or "addict" was plastered across my forehead. Through time I have learned to say **** 'em. <br />
<br />
That was a hard and difficult way to live and unfortunately lots of people do.

In a pre Christian/pagan society we would be valued as Shaman. We are Shaman, life is just more difficult because we are not valued in western culture. Until we embrace our Shaman nature we are unable to love ourselves. <br />
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I am lucky because I drowned when I was 13 (1956) and have known the love of our Black Goddess all this time, otherwise I would hate myself and judge myself as society would judge me if I let others see me.<br />
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We are the special children of our Black Goddess Mother. We are one with the Black force that is a valuable part of this universe. In spite of our culture’s value of the light, and perception of darkness as evil, we must learn to find our Black Mother and not internalize society’s believe that we are something evil…DD

I know it and it's hard to tell people that you know? They are so quick to slam that junkie label on you =/ <br />
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I hate people that think they know something they know jack **** about...

The high isn't what it's about. It's the sanity and energy. <br />
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I've never done heroin but I was out the door last January to buy some. My so called ex husband stopped me and held me down =/

I am weening. It takes some time and I am not happy right now with it. However, what choice do I have? <br />
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Thanks for commenting :)

I've just read your first story, and felt a lift when I read you'd managed to come off them....then a low when i read you'd relapsed :(<br />
How are you doing?

Relapsed last June. I had dental surgery and I was in major pain. I couldn't take ibuprofen because at the time, I was on lithium. I have been struggling with this same battle since June. :(

I do consider you lucky. I do. Someone is watching over you !!!<br />
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I take it this'll be the last time you touch them since you see what they CAN do ?? ;-) <br />
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Oh, and if you have to, you can take immodium (it's OTC at any pharmacy) if you know...

Wow my friend had the same problems when he stopped taking them. He was taking them just like I was. Hand over fist. My sister went to school to be a nurse. When I decided to quit last week I called and asked her how to do it. She said to take melatonin and 5-HTP(serotonin) with a bunch of vitamins. Especially B vitamins. I've done that and I feel great. Maybe I'm lucky but I'll take it.