Anxiety At Work

 


I wake up about 2 hours before my alarm goes off with my heart pounding as I think about the fact that I have to get out of bed and go to work.  Instead of getting out of bed and making use of the time, since I am unable to go back to sleep, I lay in bed and imagine all the worst-case scenarios that are most likely (in my mind) going to happen today.  Co-workers are going to call me incompetent, I will make a mistake or I will get fired - a range of thoughts...My heart still pounding.   Eventually, I get out of bed, shower, shave etc. and get on my way.  Once I get to the office and actually start working, the anxiety subsides somewhat - probably because I am actually working and don't have the brain space to worry.  However, it is the feeling of feeling that I am unable to do my job correctly that is the over-riding feeling.  The kicker is, I have no reason to believe that is actually the case since I often receive positive feedback about my job and have done some remarkable and challenging projects that I know not everyone can do.  But instead of accepting that and building on that positive feeling, I choose to accept the negative thoughts in my head instead.

 

I take a low dose of Xanax once I get to the office and that seems to help me focus and get the job done and actually talk in meetings with confidence and conviction.  I do not want to rely on medication though to feel that way.  I am in my late 30s, married and with two kids so I really can't afford to be battling these feelings of anxiety, low self-esteem etc.  My family needs me and relies on me.  

 

Perhaps this post should also be in a group about lack of confidence or self-esteem....Not sure but it is the anxiety that really bugs the &^%$ out of me...Here I am, on a day off from work and home with the family, and my mind is going a million miles a minute thinkging about everything else BUT relaxing and doing something that makes me happy...
FullCord FullCord
36-40, M
1 Response Feb 15, 2010

I deal with depression and a host of other thing's that came with it but still can understand that the hardest person on me is ME . Most of us even without depression could never live up to the expectation's that we place on ourselve's so we set ourselve's up for failure. You sound all in all to be doing well except for your worrie's. Not one single thing that I have ever worried over changed because of my worry. Learn to enjoy life a little and be happy with your family, enjoy your children now because they grow fast. Yesterday I held my daughter on my lap, today I am the grandfather of seven. We fail to realize what we really have, until it is gone. My Best.