I Am A Sucky Socializer

Yes, I suck quite profusely at social interaction. I am a prodigy at making a fool out of myself by saying or doing stupid things. Of course, only when it comes to personal conversations; I can work, I can manage departments, I can go shopping, I might even be able to go to the doctor's office. Yet, if you ask me how my day went, that's when the anxiety starts. I might answer, "Okay, I guess. How was yours?" and slowly, but surely, as the conversation progresses, I will get more and more anxious until I wind up fleeing like a squirrel from a bird-of-prey.

I'm sure it's quite amusing to outside audiences.

I hate it.
I cannot stand that I do it.
It drives me absolutely crazy.
I want out of this madness that I never signed up for!
The circular logic of it all hurts my head!

I want to talk to people. I want to not feel inadequate all the time. So why do I end every relationship I get into, sever all ties to other people, and hide constantly?

It's a riddle and I'm locked inside it sometimes.

I will escape this cyclical dilemma, though, if I die trying!

Or I'll go hide in some obscure place.

Either way.
ijensen ijensen
26-30, M
Mar 26, 2012